Xerophilous

hahaha. X is hard.

At first I was going to do X-Files. Because My Dad and I have been watching it. Almost finished with the first season and I am loving it. Young David Duchovny is *ahem* palatable.

(oh rats. I just realized that my Dad reads Retail Wednesdays. Um... Hi Dad! Yeah, nothing going on here, you can just scroll down the page *facepalm*)

Anyways, my Mom doesn't like the show and it scared me silly when I was younger, but I am so loving it now. It is a really interesting series.

Then I was thinking that I could do Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, because I just love me some Xander.

And he's TOTALLY like a younger Chandler. Really and truly. It makes me grin pretty much a lot.

But then I realized that it's Wednesday! And I can't skip Retail Wednesday! (especially because I think Jenn and Lindsey would probably hunt me down and chain me to my computer until I had done another post)

Do you realize how impossible it is to come up with a good "X" title for a Retail Wednesday post? Like totally impossible!

Xerophilous means "Flourishing in or adapted to a dry hot environment"

Which is the best thing I could come up with. Because our AC units have been on the fritz for about a year now and we all suck down copious amounts of water and wave books at ourselves to cope. But I think we're managing to flourish. Or at least adapt.

Lame. I know.

But let's get onto the (there it is! that's the word! Onto. Should it be on to? or onto?! If you have no idea what on earth I am babbling about click over to Falen's post about into.)

Anyhoo ... let's get onto the Awards!

Strangest Topic Award:

A woman came in looking for our section on alpacas.

I just thought it was kind of a weird thing to be looking for.

Funnier was my coworkers response after the woman had left...

"Why yes. It's right over here between our sections on llamas and mountain goats!"

Time Waster Award:

It would be nice if customers would display these prominently just so I can prepare myself.

A customer calls and asks for a book. I look it up, find it and bring it back to the info desk where I pick up the phone.

Me: Yes, we do have a copy. Would you like me to hold it for you?

Customer: Is it your only copy?

Me: Yes it is. What's your last name? I can put it at the register for you.

Customer: No thanks. I'm not sure I'll be able to get there today.

Me: Well, we can hold it until tomorrow for you, if you want.

Customer: That's all right. I don't want to waste your time. I'll just find it when I come in.

Me: (after the customer has hung up) But you ARE wasting my time! I already have the book here! When you come in, you aren't going to be able to find it and you are going to make one of us look until we find it! And if someone else buys it or moves it, then you are going to get cranky and say, "Well, they said it was here yesterday." AGGHHH!!!!

Phone Freak Award:

J answers the phone.

Woman: Hi, I was wondering if you have the AP Psych review book?

J: (looks for it) Yes, we do.

Woman: Do you have the one with the CD?

J: Yes. We have one with the CD and a few of the one without the CD. Do you want me to hold it for you?

Woman: No. I don't know which one my daughter wants. I'll call you back later.

Can I have one of these signs? Please? Can I post it all over my store?

Private Amusement Award:

A customer came up to the desk and said:

Excuse me, do you have architecture?

Fortunately one of my coworkers answered him and showed him to the section, because I was laughing in my head and thinking:

Why yes, we have architecture! Otherwise you'd be outside right now.

My brain is weird.

See, this is a bookstore without architecture.

BWA HAHA Award:

Three teenage boys come into the store. I am guessing they're between 15 and 17.

They look like typical teenage boys.

Just. Like. This. Maybe.

As they walk past the info desk one of them exclaims (yes, exclaims) "Man! I can't wait for that new Twilight book to come out!"

His friend snorts. "Dude, you read Twilight?"

Kid is not embarrassed at all. "Yeah, man! Twilight's awesome!"

Me: *snorting water through my nose from holding in the laugh*

So Disgusting I Think I Might Barf, but It Was Too Bizarre Not To Share Award:

(which gets its own prize for being the longest Award Title Ever.)

A man came up to the desk and told a seller that we might want to check on the men's bathroom.

Never. A. Good. Thing.

So I snagged the only male employee in the building and made him do recon to make sure no creepy men were lurking in the bathroom. They weren't, but they left behind creepiness.

I see a mound of stuff (mainly white) in the one toilet. Like all the way to the top. And I'm thinking, jerkfaces.

So I get gloves and a trashbag, because there's really only one way to deal with this and that is to pull the paper towels and such out. They are never ever going to flush.

Why am I still a supervisor, you ask? It's cause I get to do fun stuff like this! NOT!

Ahem.

So I drag the trashcan over and realize it is not just paper. No. They left us a much better present.

(do you know how awkward it is when you realize you have to search pictures for "underwear"?! Do you know how relieved I was when this came up on the first page?! Do you know how messed up it is that they actually make an underwear rug?!)

Yup.

Um, ew! and Gross! and... WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING NOW IF THESE ARE IN OUR TOILET!

Words have totally escaped me.

Fortunately, M is a gentleman and offers to do it for me. I guard the door and try not to think about... Anything.

Please just kill me now.

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