"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" ~ C. S. Lewis

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Quintessentially Quirky

Have you ever been at a dinner or a party with a group of people you get along with and you all have a similar, twisted sense of humor. When it gets toward the end of the night you all start to hit that "punchy" feeling and everything becomes funny, even if it really isn't (note I hang around mainly with people who don't drink - we don't have to). Then someone starts a gag and everyone carries it on until it's gotten beyond ridiculous?

No? Just me?

Well, like 3 years ago I was at our church's annual Adult Fellowship White Elephant Christmas Party.

We had finished dinner and dessert and doing the hysterical gift exchange and were just hanging out talking.

One of the guys (total redneck :) starts talking about the squirrels in their backyard and how he's had to start shooting them because they're causing problems and how someone stole some of the dead ones he had left behind his barn.
Okay, so this was never a real squirrel - but look how cute he is :)

So we tried to come up with reasons why someone would steal a dead squirrel. Then the reasons got more and more ridiculous. And of course we thought they were more and more hilarious.

Yesterday I was trying to catch up on some of y'all's blog posts and I found my way over to Simon's blog where he is asking what he should give away for his 250 followers contest. One of his options is a squirrel. And I immediately thought about this list and decided I would post it for your reading amusement.

101 Uses for a Dead Squirrel
  1. Back Scratcher
  2. Ear Cleamer
  3. Ceiling Fan Duster
  4. Hairbrush
  5. Shoe Buffer
  6. Boomerang
  7. After Dinner Discussion Topic
  8. Remote Control Flying Squirrel
  9. Venetian Blind Cleamer
  10. Bottle Brush
  11. Toothbrush
  12. Chimney Sweeper
  13. Paintbrush
  14. Quill
  15. Suspenders (2 required)
  16. Frisbee (Furry Flier)
  17. Practical Joke
  18. Spelling Out HELP in Your Backyard
  19. Snowbrush
  20. Ice Scraper
  21. Fasteners
  22. Hat
  23. Dog Toy
  24. Conversation Piece
  25. Christmas Tree (Using multiple squirrels)
  26. Comb
  27. Easy Care Pet
  28. Dinner
  29. Can Opener
  30. Cup Holder
  31. Cafeteria Food
  32. Slippers
  33. Toupee
  34. Ear Muffs
  35. Key Fob (hanging decoration on a keychain, because apparently not everyone has heard this term)
  36. Nutcracker
  37. Hair Extensions
  38. Earrings
  39. Scarf
  40. Good Luck Charm
  41. Sermon Illustration
  42. Centerpiece
  43. Hood Ornament
  44. Doorstop
  45. Boa
  46. Bookends
  47. Door Knocker
  48. Gloves/Muff
  49. Nunchucks
  50. Hors d'ouvres with bagels (I don't remember why it was specifically with bagels...)
  51. Rear View Mirror Decoration
  52. Doormat
  53. Christmas Ornament
  54. Rug
  55. Tablecloth Clamps
  56. And now - Blog Post Topic

Oh goodness we were SO ridiculous. Of course we didn't hit 101, but we had way more than we should have :P Any thoughts? Any other uses?

As if I really need to carry this any further.


Al said...

Here in Oz back in the 90s (I think)a very similar list was published as a cartoon book as "101" uses for a dead cat.


Publish or Perish

Tara said...


Um, did the guy not consider that an animal carried it away?

Mia said...

Number 18 is definitely one I'll have to remember! (as well as 15 in case of emergencies)

Um, off the top of my head

- As a scecret ninja warrior when the zombie apocalypse comes
- As a tool for the revolutionaries to use to spread their propaganda leaflets

And lastly but most importantly

- As a distraction when people stop you in the street asking for stuff. You can be all like "Oh my goodness, look at that! It's a three-headed squirrel!" and then leg it as the person looks at your decidedly non-three headed squirrel in confusion. (If they catch you, you can just shrug and say "Oh, I guess he's pretending to be normal today") NB: this will come in handy when you become uber-famous, note it down


That's all I gots right now. Happy Tuesday!

Shannon said...

Very funny! Great post thanks for sharing :)

Palindrome said...

Venetian Blind Cleamer??

Poo discussion
tartar build-up (their nails specifically)
Old people grab it
garage sale
shoes so you can scale trees

...and I'm out! ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!!

Jemi Fraser said...

Ewww, yuck & LOL :)

Grammy said...

Ha, just too funny!
yes, I have a couple of couples that we get together with and eat supper and then play dominoes. We have a great time and do not drink alcohol beverages either. Quite often we have some kind of running joke and just laugh like lunatics. Ha. Great post. I'll have to copy those down for the next time we get together.

Jon Paul said...

Rebecca--You had me at "ceiling fan cleaner"! Hilarious!

BTW, thanks for stopping by my place and becoming a follower. Much appreciated. :)

arlee bird said...

Not sure about the dead squirrels, but those punchy times when you get ridiculous can be a lot of fun. Sometimes you look back and wonder "What in the world was so funny?" You just have to be there sometimes.

A to Z Challenge Reflections Mega Post

Patricia Stoltey said...

Awk! This reminds me of the weird little creatures they used to have singing on the Quizno's commercials. They were bizarre, but I couldn't stop looking at them. And I couldn't stop reading the squirrel list. Too funny!

Lisa and Laura said...

Ha! I love this list and I especially love that you're keeping the gag going.

Tempo said...

Squirrel soup! Mmm, yummy!

Talli Roland said...

Haha! I like the toupee option. I can see it now...

Interesting topic of conversation! :)