"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" ~ C. S. Lewis

Thursday, July 22, 2010

It just might be a death

Here it is finally, my Blogfest of Death entry!
If you haven't yet, go check out all the other entries at Tessa's Blurb! She's awesomesauce for hosting you know!

So I kinda tried to write about five entries. Gah. I do NOT do death apparently.

Hm... so here's one of my lame attempts for your amusement:


“I hate you!” she screamed and stabbed him. He never expected it. Never saw it coming. His eyes widened, fogged and then turned glassy as she stabbed again and again. The blood pooled around her and she sank to her knees, sobbing and clutching the knife until they found her.


I also wrote a horrible scene about a woman poisoning a man, but it was so bad I can't even share it. Ugh.

So here's my attempt. This is based on the thriller I attempted for NaNoWriMo and that I will one day return to. I think. Anyways, this is the first scene I have written from the killer's perspective and it's very rough drafty, but I promised a scene of death and by jiminy, I'm going to deliver a scene of death!

~~~~~~~~~~
She looked so young. Her dark hair was splayed across the pillow. It looked like there were fairies dancing on the pillowcase.

There were so many things she would never do. So many things she would never know. It really was a shame that she had to die. In two steps he had crossed the distance from the door to her bedside. She started to stir, but he slid the chloroformed handkerchief over her face and she stilled.
Sometimes he felt like a walking cliché – every mystery novel personified. It was a good thing he had his own twist to keep things interesting. He returned to the hall to get his tool. A marvel of his own invention. It looked like a defibrillator, a healing tool. Something no one questioned.

He pulled back the blankets. She looked even smaller now. Petite, like his wife had been. Young, like his daughter should be. His eyes hardened. Why should their children get to grow, go to school, get married, live? It was all stolen from his family. Someone had to pay.

Lifting the two paddles he flipped the switch and heard the whir of the machine as it charged. She was unconscious. Probably wouldn’t feel anything. Not that he would know, but once he had adjusted the dosage, none of them had woken enough to scream before their heart stopped.

The paddles were light. He always felt like they should be heavier, a portent for the weight they represented. Life or death in his hands.

Setting the paddles carefully onto her body he inhaled. Then pressed the button. She convulsed, her limbs reacting to the jolt of electricity. He paused for a moment and then hit it again. Her limbs twitched and danced, moving like some strange marionette pulled by invisible strings.
He pressed his fingers against her neck. No pulse. She was laying there, peaceful again.


Gathering his machine he crept from the room. Only two were left.

~~~~~~~~~~
So there you have it! I'm off to read all the rest of the entries! I will get there eventually... I PROMISE!
And if you want to try something a little different, check out my Invasion of the Bloggy Snatchers Blogfest. I think it's gonna be a lot of fun! Clicky on the poster at the top of my sidebar to check it out!
Tata!

4 comments:

Dawn Embers said...

Yay for getting an entry done. The official entry really isn't that bad. It starts off a little rocky, but nothing an edit wouldn't fix. The end gets better and I liked the part about his invention. Creative and twisted. Well done.

AchingHope said...

Uhhhhhhhhhg... This is awful, because I know secrets about your book. It makes me want to cry :*( *sniff sniff*

But I liked it. You had some good phrases in here, like the marionette one. Good job.

Cyclan: a Grecian monster with the appearance of a tornado composed of bicycles

Sangu said...

I agree with Dawn in that this starts off a little rocky, but it picks up really well and it's very original!

beth said...

Ooo, that last scene was chilling. I especially like "moving like some strange marionette" Great phrase!