Stagnant and Terrified

How's that for a post title for the first time I'm blogging in oh nigh unto forever.

Yes, I've been busy. Super busy. But then again who isn't?

Yes, I'm juggling multiple chainsaws. But then again who isn't?*

The truth is, I've let my voice get stolen by all the "things" going on. The old paying the bills, trying to get the training to move to a career I will love, spending time with the important people in my life, make sure I stay current on all my favorite tv shows thing. And all of those things are important. And all of them need to get done (okay, so the tv thing doesn't need to get done.... but that's another post altogether).

And little by little in the last two years or so I've just let all these things eat away at this part of me that I didn't even think I would really miss. This little thing called writing. I've been writing papers and essay prompts and exams and e-mails and even managed to post over at our Booksellers Without Borders NY blog.

But it really isn't enough and I had NO idea it wouldn't be enough until this past week.

Last year I wrote a NaNoWriMo rough draft. And I was obsessed with the story. I fell in love with the story and the premise and the characters and I had absolutely no idea where on earth it was going. So I shelved it.

And then I decided that I couldn't write it until I had worked out the plot so I read Save the Cat which blew my mind and I sketched out a beat sheet and I did all this great worldbuilding in my head and I didn't write a single word.

I kept making excuses and it kept haunting me.

And this year I had this "great idea" for NaNoWriMo and I couldn't write anything. I think I bashed out about 2,000 words which was actually just rewriting the first scene about six times.

So I threw in the towel and said I'm just too busy with grad school. I'll get around to writing more one of these days.

Then last week I happened to be online when Miss Snark's First Victim put up the submission details for the Talkin' Heads critique. I was in the middle of a homework assignment and I felt absolutely compelled to drop everything and enter something.

I opened my WIP document and almost almost closed it up and went back to doing what I was "supposed" to be doing. But I couldn't. I couldn't do it. So I dug around and I found a passage and I tweaked and trimmed and revised to get it to fit the word limit and I entered it and I got in.

And then I went back to my homework.

And then Monday I almost forgot about it, until I got the e-mail and I started doing some critiquing - the whole give-and-take if you entered you needed to comment and it was fun and I skipped around and read a lot and commented some and I was absolutely terrified to see what people had said about mine.

But you know what? People liked it. The phrases and dialogue that I loved they loved too. And the turn of phrase that gave me chills gave someone else chills too.

And they offered constructive criticism that made me roll my eyes at my own ridiculousness because of course they were right about this thing I always forget to do.

And I opened up the document and I wrote the first scene and for the first time in over a year I felt completely alive.

And the next night I wrote the next scene.

And the next night I wrote the first scene from the other character's perspective.

Yes because I felt validated that this is something I can do, that this is something I am good at.
But mostly because I HAD to write. I HAVE to get Evva's and Devvon's story on paper (metaphorically speaking of course).

I have always been one of those people that liked to write, but wasn't really driven. If I didn't write for a month or so it didn't bother me. But I don't think I can ignore it anymore. Maybe I'll only write 100 words a day. Maybe it will take me 5 years to finish this flooding** book. But it doesn't matter. What matters is I have to write it.

And somehow, I managed to get all those other things in too. And turn my homework in on time. So there.

*Actually, if you are really juggling actual chainsaws I think I'd like to see that. Or not.
**btw this is Devvon invading my brain

The Saddest Retail Wednesday Ever

This is it. Today is the last day. My Borders is closing later today. Tomorrow is cleaning and fixture sales. By Thursday night it will all be over. Such a sad, sad end to almost 6 fantastic years of book selling, book loving, and some of the best people I've ever met. I just hit my 5 years with the company in July - just in time to get the news about the liquidation.

I posted some of my thoughts a few weeks ago. That post is HERE if you missed it.

Today I wanted to show a video slideshow I put together of some of our happy moments over the last few years.

To all of you that have shopped at Borders - thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To all of you that have supported my random little retail stories here - thank you just as much.

I've already got a pretty good lead at CVS and hope to be hired in the next week or two, so this may not be the end of Retail Wednesdays.

I'm so filled with sadness and love and mushiness so I'll just let the Muppets speak for me:

Gimme a Break...but Not Literally

Due to the whole thumb fiasco and the difficulty I'm having keeping up with schoolwork, I am going to have to take a temporary sabbatical. I will keep y'all updated if there's any news on the thumb front, but for a week or two I won't be doing any of my regular features.

:(

So to cheer your spirits I have this for you!



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And this!


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And one more!


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See you guys around! Maybe this will give me a chance to catch up on some of my blog reading. Reading doesn't require a thumb ;)

Top Blogging Moments of the Past Year

I can't believe a whole year has come and gone!

Last year at this time I barely had a blog and there are so many of you that I hadn't met and didn't know! That's the most unbelievable part of all! I can't imagine my life without all of my blogger friends. And even though life has gotten really hectic for me and I haven't spent as much time with you all in the second half of the year as I would have wanted to, you guys are often on my mind. For reals (as Naomi would say :)

And what is a new year for, but to give us a moment to reflect on the old?
So here are some of my top favorite moments - top hits, I guess you could say - of the past year in regards to my blogging life :) - In no particular order. At all.

1) January was my real foray into the world of Twitter. I tweeted fairly regularly, but it wasn't until May that Twitter became a real distraction for me ;) That was when I met Mia Hayson and Simon C. Larter who really dragged me into the full world of all the fun that Twitter can be. I have loved every minute of it since then and there are so many things that I could not have done without my Tweoples. Like taking procrastination to an art form.

2) Debuting Retail Wednesdays! February was my first post in which I made fun of the crazy customers that shop at the bookstore where I work. I intended to keep it going, and I'm kind of hoping that I can work out a schedule and be more regular at posting this semester, but for now it's taken a hiatus. But I had WAY too much fun with it while it was going on. This was one of the things that started to build a little bit of a following over here at Sonshine Thoughts and I love every single one of you, especially those of you that have hung around through all the sporadic-ness of the past few months.

3) The A-Z Challenge in April. This kind of just fell into my lap when Lee popped randomly onto my blog and suggested I check it out. The goal was to post every day (except Sundays) in April, starting with the letter A and going all the way through the letter Z. I had SO much fun with this. Some days the letter was only a springboard to make me think of something completely random, but it helped me to meet some REALLY cool people and made me realize that I could write a blog about pretty much ANYthing in the world.

4) My first OWL contest! In March I hit 100 posts and decided to do a quick and little contest. So I made an amigurumi owl and offered it up. The owl mania swept my blog and I think I've given away 8 happy little owls since then. I love that you guys have gotten so excited about these little crochet critters and I plan on giving away more of them for random reasons in the future!

5) The SUPER SISTER CELEBRATION! Naomi and I had SO much fun reading all of your stories and judging them (not like, I judge you for writing this, but like, I totally love this part of the story you wrote, but I have to pick a favorite, so I guess I will go with this one, but they're all TOTES cool!) and then sending you guys prizes!

6) Dipping my toes in the world of flash fiction. Yup, yup, yup. Did I tell you that my Zombie Luv flash fiction got published in my school literary magazine?! That totally made my day. Flash fiction and blogfests stretched me so much this year and really have helped me to hone my skills as a writer. From the creepy story I wrote for Palindrome's Halloween contest to the strange western Rumplestiltskin to the Invasion of the Bloggy Snatchers 'fest that I hosted, I've learned a lot about pacing and character development and trimming words until you want to gouge your eyes out. It has been really good for me (not the eye gouging, but the writer's growth).

7) Vlogs. Or, well, videos I made for the blog. Naomi and I had a little too much fun with those this year. Only a couple, but enough to show how truly demented we are. There was the epic battle of HumaneBean Vs. BatCabbage and our foray into the "Zombiest Things" wherein we dragged a friend on our journey of insanity.

And that's about all I've got. I know I'll think of something else the instant I post this, but these are the first things that come to mind, so I'll go with it :)

How about you? Any particularly special memories of your bloggering life this year? Do tell!

Thank you all for being an awesomesauce part of this past year and I look forward to all the craziness to come in 2011.

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I think I need a soup can...

Hey all.

I know things have been really quiet over here at Casa del Sonshine.

See this thing called Grad School happened to me. Where they do things like say, "Here, read a 600 page book by next week. Oh and I accidentally told you to buy the wrong Henry James book, so you have to go find it first." and "Read these 5 articles from the book on literary theory by next week. Oh, and don't forget that there are 6 more links to articles online that you need to read too. And I need your annotated bibliography of at least 15 sources as well."

*dies*

Okay, I was expecting it to be challenging. And I AM loving it. So. Much.

Then there's also the whole TA thing, where I have to prepare lessons to teach Freshmen Comp 3 times a week. Plus grade papers. Plus try not to go insane.

I am so loving that part of it too. Really. Cause that's what I want to do with my life. I'm even more sure of it now that I've taught for 5/6 weeks (I don't know which it is and I'm too tired to go look it up).

But the really bad, horrible downside is that I have NO TIME.
Like seriously.

So I haven't had much time to post anything (I really should be getting ready for church now, instead of posting this, but hey, I had a couple minutes, I'm going to use them, even though Henry James is whispering that I should really be reading him since I still have 317 pages to read by Wednesday.)

ahem.

The biggest sadness to me is that I have had virtually no time to come around and visit you guys. I pop in on Twitter occasionally and I'm dying to come see what you all are saying on your blogs. Really. But then I sigh and read Lacan instead (btw psychoanalytic literary theory gave me nightmares. Just sayin')

So now you know the whole story. I haven't been avoiding you, just running like crazy. I keep hoping that I will fall into a rhythm so that I can eke out some bloggery time, but it just hasn't happened yet. Thank you all for sticking around even if I'm not being all that entertaining and I PROMISE I will try to find some time to say hello soon. I've got a day of Fall break coming up, so maybe I'll squeeze some in then.  But definitely know that I still love you all and that I have not fallen off the face of the earth!