This time it's the Alliterative Allomorph hosting the Internal Conflict Blogfest *crazy cheering commences* Go check out everybody else's posts, 'cause I'm sure they're all going to be amazing!
This is another excerpt from my WIP Unexpected Miracles. This is the historical fiction that I'm going to be re-writing soon, but I've been learning a lot about the piece by putting snippets up for you guys. So thanks for the feedback.
The town was just beginning to wake up, but Sylvia ignored the few other people she passed and they were just as happy to ignore her as well. She wandered down the path to the creek and sat for a long time on the bank, just staring at the rippling water. The water looked so inviting and Sylvia found herself creeping closer and closer to the edge. Although the level of the water had dropped over the summer, it was still pretty deep in this spot.
How easy it would be just to fall in and let herself sink to the bottom. The thought shocked Sylvia and she jerked back. What was she thinking? Even as she rebelled against the thought, another part of her admitted the attraction. She had no future. Once she got older, even Curtis would have no further use for her. That is, if he didn’t go into one of his rages and beat her to death. Wouldn’t it be less painful to just allow herself to be carried away with the stream? It would be viewed as a terrible accident and she would be free.
No matter how appealing it sounded, Sylvia found she could not make herself move closer to the creek’s edge. Somewhere, deep inside, she still had a desire to live. With effort she forced herself to get up and walk away from the creek, following the path further into the woods. She avoided the copse of trees where she had met Travis, wandering aimlessly.
She felt like she was in some sort of a bubble. All around her was the beauty of fall. The trees were changing color and squirrels skittered about carrying nuts frantically from one place to another. She observed all of these things, but nothing seemed real. Sylvia put her hand on her chest, almost surprised to feel the rhythm of her pulse. She felt dead inside, so how could her body keep living.
12 comments:
Wow this was superbly melancholic. I can just imagine the jolt bolt through your MC after thinking such a thing as suicide. I truly liked this. It was simple, yet bewitchingly poetic. Very nice!
I felt like I was in the woods with Sylvia, and also by the water thinking all those thoughts. I wanted to read more. Beautiful writing.
Beautifully scenic and...what's that word that means weather reflecting emotion? That, only for scenery. Am I making sense?
Anyhow, great stuff!
PS. As for a verification word definition...I think a "gisgrate" is a grate you can only walk over if you wear a Gi... ; P
@ TAA: Thanks. I almost didn't post this, but decided, why not.
@Jaycee: thank you. That's so sweet of you to say.
@Tessa: Gee thanks. I'm glad it came across:)
Wow. Very melancholy. I love the way you build up to the end of this. And I love, love, love your last paragraph.
Beautiful and sad. I love the honest thinking though.
How sad. It seems this poor girl is at the end of her rope. I was kinda hoping Travis (whoever he is) would sho up at the end and make her feel better ;)
So sad! I think you put us in that bubble with her, emotionally. nice work!
Wow, I was standing next to her as she thought that. I was leaning towards the edge held by her indecision.
OMG this was fantastic!
*sobs* That last part somehow got me Sylvia put her hand on her chest, almost surprised to feel the rhythm of her pulse. She felt dead inside, so how could her body keep living Would somebody PLEASE give the poor girl a hug??
;~)
So, so sad. Hopefully, something happens soon to make her want to live. Wonderful imagery.
@sarahjayne: Thank you. It is melancholy, isn't it. And I'm glad you liked the last paragraph :)
@Palindrome: Thanks so much. Wow, honest. That's a great compliment :)
@Tara: Trust me, you don't want Travis coming around - but someone else does ;)
@Amalia: Thanks! I'm glad it pulled you in.
@Mia: she definitely needs a hug - and because I am a sappy fairy tale girl, my characters actually get happy endings :)
@Tina: Oh yes, in the next scene (at least as it's written now - I may have to adjust some of the pacing, etc., but eventually)
These are the things I especially need to hear to get up courage to start my rewrite - something in here is good :P I've been almost ready to scrap the whole thing.
Beautifully scenic and...what's that word that means weather reflecting emotion? That, only for scenery. Am I making sense?
data entry work from home
Post a Comment