Retail, Retail Wednesday!

Seriously. Oh my goodness. This is a little long, but I laughed pretty hard through it. It has a couple of mild swear words (for my readers who like me have more sensitive ears) but it's pretty funny.

Now on to *dun da da dun dun da DUUUUUUUNNN* Retail Wednesday!

Every week I tell myself, wow, I'm not going to have much for the post. But then customers come through as only customers can and I'm all set for a nice juicy episode.

Other Side of the Counter Award:

Yesterday, my Dad and I went to McDonald's so he could get a fish sandwich. We pull up the drive-thru and a feminine voice asks if we would like one of their new blah, blah, blah. Dad says no and places his order. There is an awkward pause and then this deep gravelly voice asks if there is anything else. Dad and I exchange a glance and then crack up. It was so bizarre. "Wow, she got a really bad cold," Dad said and I had to study my hands when we pulled up to the window so I wouldn't laugh in the face of the worker. I just thought it was odd that they switched places in the middle of an order.

See, it's confusing when people switch places!

Idiotic Customer Award:

Friday night we had our midnight release for the New Moon movie. I am in no way saying that this story represents the normal intellectual level of someone reading those books or watching those movies, because I am not going to insult myself, but this was just too good a story to pass up.

We handed out numbered tickets representing place in line and so we wouldn't promise someone a copy we didn't have. A woman came up to the register to get her copy of the movie.

Coworker: How many copies did you want?

Woman: Seven.

Coworker: You want seven copies of the Exclusive Edition?

Woman: Yes.

Other employee has to run to the back to get more copies. Cashier begins ringing up the DVDs. Customer watches her scan them and bag them. Cashier gives her the total - which is over $200 dollars.

Woman: (pays first... then) Wait, why was it so expensive?

Coworker: Because you wanted seven copies.

Woman: What are you talking about? I only wanted one!

Cashier: What's her ticket number?

You guessed it ... #7.

Irrational Logic Award:

Again with the Twilight people. A woman and her daughter come into the store on Friday. The day of the midnight release, and asks to reserve a copy of the movie. At this point I do not know how many reserves we have vs. how many copies as I was not the one handling this particular event. I let her know that we will be handing out tickets later in the evening, but that the cut off for reservations was a week before. She humphs at me plying me for information I do not have. I apologize and ask her to check back or call a little later when the person handling the reserves will know if we have extras. She glares at me and then asks, "Weren't you the one who told me you weren't having a release party?"

Whoa! Flashback!

Three months ago I took a phone call from a woman asking if we were having a midnight release. At that point the release date hadn't even been set yet, so I tell her I don't know. She says that we had one for Twilight, so she would assume we were having one for New Moon too. I say I don't think we had one for Twilight. She says yes you did. I say I don't remember it and I'm often the one in charge of the events. She hangs up the phone.

Later I am talking about this with a coworker and they remind me that I was on vacation during the Twilight release and that's why I don't remember, but they did have a party. I feel really bad that I, in essence, called the customer a liar. I am not perfect. I make mistakes too. However, I do not even know who it is since it was a phone conversation, so I have no way to apologize.

But this was 3 MONTHS ago! Talk about holding a grudge!

I apologize, admit that I was wrong and tell her I felt really bad about it.

The woman looks at me, her eyes narrowed into dark slits. "I think you owe me a copy of the movie since you made me feel like an idiot."

Say what?

Because apparently 1 mistake=1 free item!

(Okay, I'm assuming she just meant she deserved a reserve spot, not that she deserved a free copy. Assuming)

Impatient as All Get Out Award:

There are two nominees in this award for the week.

1. Lady is waiting at the information desk. One coworker, J, is on the phone, another, P, is helping another customer in the store. P finishes and begins to help Lady waiting at desk. J is still on the phone. P walks away to find something for Lady. After thirty seconds Lady walks up to J, who is still on the phone, leans over and yells in her ear, "I need help finding a book!"

This is how screaming customers always look. Always.

2. I am the only seller on the floor and I get a phone call from someone wanting to know if their ordered book came in. I am at the information desk. I use the computer there to pull up their order number and it shows that the order should have arrived. I put the customer on hold, walk to the front (10 seconds), find her package (15 seconds), and pick up the phone to tell her that it is there (10 seconds).

As I am on the phone, a woman comes up to the register and SCREAMS at the cashier, "THERE IS NO ONE AT THE DESK! SHOULDN'T SOMEONE BE POSTED THERE!?

Because I have nothing else to do but wait on you personally hand and foot

Outright Bizarre Award:

A woman approached me and asked for books on eggs.

Me: Like cooking eggs?
Woman: Yes. Like egg casseroles and things like that.

Me: I know we've had things like that in the past. Let me look it up. I'm sorry, we don't have anything in the store right now. Let's check over here and see if we have anything that will work.

Woman: You see, I'm going to be having a bunch of guys at my house working on my trees. So I want to make them some breakfast. So I'm looking for recipes of something I can make with eggs. Like a casserole with spinach or broccoli or something that will go into one of those foil containers that I can take out to them.

Me: o_O

Because all tree surgeons need eggs.

We Don't Do That Award:

Once again there are two contenders for this award. Eerily similar requests.

1. Man calls and I answer the phone. He asks if I can look up a couple of books for him. I say, sure. He lists a computer book with a specific author. Nothing comes up in our system. I try just the author, I try the title (which is something unique like, Excel 7). Nothing. The next one is also a computer book, and the next one. Nothing.

He sighs. "See, I had a roof collapse and along with everything else in my office these books were ruined and they said if I could get an appraisal of how much they cost then I can claim them."

2. Couple comes in and asks for books on Yankee collector's items. We don't have anything. Why are they looking for it? A company was doing work on their house and drilled a hole, yes, DRILLED a HOLE through their exclusive collector's Yankees World Series afghan. They need it appraised so they can get the company to reimburse them.

Do I look like an appraiser to you!?

I look nothing like her and she is, according to Google, an appraiser, so no. No, I do not.

Most Annoying Award:

A man steps into the store. He is carrying a Target bag. He sets off the alarm.

Cashier offers to deactivate the items for him.

He stands in the doorway swinging the bag back and forth setting the alarm off over and over and over and over.

Cashier offers again.

He looks at her. "No thanks. I just won't come in." Turns around and leaves.

Apparently the only thing more annoying is a keychain grenade. Because, what a mess when you accidentally yank a little too hard to get those keys out of your purse.

See? Annoying.

Wrong Conclusions Award

A woman approached me with Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy in hand. "I'm looking for the trilogy that came before this one."

I look at her oddly (I can't help myself) and say, "I don't believe he has another trilogy."

Woman: "Yes, it was here the other day. I'm sure of it."

I pull up the author on the computer. "No, he has no other trilogy."

Woman: "Yes he does!" She looks at her son. "What was the name of the book?"

Son: "The Lightning Thief."

Me: "Oh, that's by Rick Riordan. It's not connected to this series."

Woman: "Well, they were next to each other on the shelf."

These books are next to each other. Ergo they are all written by the same authors.

And for those of you wondering, this is actually a picture of a VERY small sampling of one of my bookshelves.

And that is it for this week's Retail Wednesday!

*begin outro music in your head*