Lost: The Incident

Oh. My. Werd.

Talk about going out with a bang. I said I would never write my own recap of Lost, because it's way more fun to go discuss it over at Nikki Stafford's blog, but here I go. Just way too much happened during this episode for me to write all my thoughts over there, so I'll write them all here and then reference this for commenting there.
I put it all in order as the episode progressed with general thoughts at the end.

• Who is the other man (the man in black :P) there with Jacob?
• I love how Sawyer can't even LOOK at Kate without Juliet being all, "Oh, you looked at her, you still love her, I'm insecure and all alone." But there's no problem with Juliet being so overly concerned immediately about Jack.
• How DID Daniel know EVERYTHING? And how does Sayid figure it all out so quickly? I didn't know he was a physicist. Anyone else would have gotten a headache just looking at that freakishly haphazard journal, but Sayid just flips to the right page and says, this is what we've got to do...
• What were the other 2 times that Richard visited Locke off the Island? We know his visit when Locke was a little boy. Was he there at Locke's birth? I don't remember.
• Why can't Fake-Locke kill Jacob? Is that part of the "rules"? Like the way Ben can't kill Widmore?
• I didn't realize that Sayid was THERE when Nadia died!!! AH! I so didn't want to see that scene. It was so sad.
• Was Eloise the leader? Or were Charles and Eloise co-leaders and when the bomb goes off someone has to turn the wheel to set things right and Charles refuses, so Eloise has to. That would explain their animosity and why Daniel never knew he had a father.
• NOT SAYID!!!!!!!!!!!
• Highlight: Hurley comes to save the day in the Dharma van again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah Hurley!!!!!!!
• When Kate and Sawyer are arguing over where to go and Sawyer's like, do you have a compass, I'm thinking... the sun sets in the west......ummmm do you need a compass to see that?
• VINCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• ROSE AND BERNARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and did mine eyes deceive me, or was that
• Jacob/Horace's cabin? And Bernard in a beard is only marginally better than the infamous Jeard. And I loved the calm and peaceful Rose music. Is that really it for them? Are they done like Walt? What a crummy ending to their story line. I mean, good, but crummy.
• Did anyone else wonder if Juliet is pregnant? And if that might be one of the reasons that she was so scared?
• The ash around Jacob's cabin is broken. Was that keeping him in? And if so, who was keeping him?
• Highlight: Locke, "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Ben, "I'm a pisces." Ahhahahahahahahaha
• (this was obviously before we found out Locke wasn't! Locke!) I loved how Locke pointed out the hatch door and how it was such a symbol for how Ben and Locke's relationship has completely flip flopped and now Locke is the one playing mind games on Ben and Ben is the one who's all confused and without a plan.
• CHARLIE'S RING!!!! Aaron might actually get it some day, now!!!!!
• Highlight: Locke, "Well, it's a wonderful foot, Richard." Ahhahahahahahah
• Well, who would have guessed that it was actually Christian that saved Jack from panicking and then Jack is a jerk and attacks his father rather than thanking him. It's no wonder his dad didn't want to help him anymore. Jack got on my very last nerve tonight.
• Wow! Sawyer could have changed his whole life (if you can actually change anything) But that would have changed Locke's whole life, too! Because, if he killed Cooper, then Cooper wouldn't have stolen Locke's kidney, Locke never would have met Helen and then lost her and Cooper never would have thrown Locke out the window.
• JACK! Is doing all of this because Kate dumped him! His life stinks so he's going to change EVERY FREAKIN' BODY else's life! Could he BE any more of a selfish jerk!?!?!
• THE question of the night seemed to be, "What about me?" People. Please.
• And now Juliet is the one acting all paradoxically. "I know you would stay with me forever, Jim, so I'm dumping you because you looked at Kate, even though I'm admitting that you would have stuck with me and that's why I want Jack to change the future becaus I can't handle my own paradox."
• And Chang loses his arm.....
• Jack, "nothing in my life has ever felt so right." Wait, didn't he say that about Sarah? Even if not, yeah, your feelings have led you well so far, Jack............
• Highlight: Hurley, matter-of-factly, "Oh, so you must be dead." Jacob, "I'm definitely not dead."
• Who was driving that cab?
• Highlight: Hurley to Jack, "Dude, what happened to your face?" HA!
• Jack to Sawyer, "See you in Los Angeles. Or not, since we won't know each other and I would never talk to you because I'm a fancy pants doctor with Daddy issues and too much alcohol while you are an angry redneck with slicked back hair and anger-management issues."
• Locke might as well have been saying, "Heel, Ben, heel. Good boy, Benny, you're such a good boy."
• Highlight: I LOVE MILES! "Maybe Jack is just going to cause The Incident so we should actually help him." And the look on everyone else's face like, oh, whoa and then Miles, "I'm glad you've thought this through."
• Did we really have to go to the "Live together, die alone" speech again? And Juliet? Really? I mean, she wasn't even there for the speech. Puh-lease.
• Jack running toward the swan station... "maybe if I hunch my back a little they won't see me, oh and by the way, I suddenly have perfect aim again, even though, back in Dharmaville I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"
• Highlight: Miles screaming, "Dad!" and running to help Chang.
• Highlight: PHIL!!!! IMPALED!!!!!!!!!!! I admit it, my sister and I were screaming... DIE! DIE! DIE! YEEESSSSSS!!!!!! I know, we are sick.
• Okay, if Juliet had died from the fall, I would have felt oddly guilty, because I said I wouldn't mind if she died and then that scene was so absolutely heart-wrenching that I was sad. But then she blew up the bomb and, in some strange Lostian way, that assuaged my guilt. Weird.
• Highlight: Sun, "Do you have alcohol?" Richard, "I wish I did." CAN you get drunk, Richard? Just curious.
• Man, I wish I knew Latin! What did Richard say?
• LOCKE! was in the CRATE! Okay, totally never even imagined that one. So who/what is Locke and how is he impersonating him, because he obviously has all of his memories and does that mean that CHRISTIAN isn't actually CHRISTIAN?!?!?!?!?
• Ben's face when he confronts Jacob is so fantastic. He just looks like the broken little kid asking his father, why can't you just love me. I've tried to please you, but it's never enough. And then the knife. I freakin' LOVE Michael Emerson!
• Last season ended with us seeing Locke's body and this season ended with us seeing Locke's body. (well, not ended, ended, but ended, you know. :P)
• And did you notice! That the ending went white instead of black and that the promo for next season was all inverted too? Does that mean that the power has shifted with the death of Jacob? Did they change anything, something, nothing? Is next season about the war? If Jacob is dead will someone rise up to take his place?
• Which one of them is good, Jacob or the man in black? I think that is one of the main questions all the way through - who are the good guys? On the one hand I think we're led to like and side with Jacob, but on the other hand, when you think about what he said and how he acts, I started to wonder. Right at the very beginning, and I'll have to rewatch it to be sure, but it seems like Jacob enjoys watching people crash on the Island and then suffer until they die and the man in black (whom I shall name Pete in honor of my sister's idea) is trying to stop him. The comment about the "loophole" just seems really strange. But THEN with discovering that Pete is actually Locke...or Locke is actually Pete... or whatever, and the cold way that he just killed Jacob makes me wonder if he is good or not? and Ilana is with Jacob and revealing the truth about Locke....my head explode.
• In relation to all of that, my sister noted that if you look at it right, Jacob is going around cursing all of the Losties. He's the one who aids and abets Kate in her life of crime (can I just say how cute little Katie was!), he's the one who gives Sawyer the pen to write the letter that will be a constant reminder of his bitterness, he doesn't save Nadia. He saves Locke's life, but if he knew about it, he could have stopped Locke altogether. His comments to Sun and Jin sound very nice, but they end up doing the exact opposite of what he said.
• THERE IS WAAAAAYYYYY TOO LONG A WAIT TO NEXT SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Lost, I miss you already.

And for those of you who found yourself confused about Locke and Jacob and "Pete" here is something that will not help you in the slightest. It's kind of a wacky recap, trying to understand what happened, this is what your brain does after two hours of Lost late at night thing that my sister and I put together. Mainly she did it and I transcribed it. Imagine it being acted out by little nail polish bottles. Yeah, we're dorks.

So there’s two guys, Jacob and I’ll call the other one Pete, because we don’t know what his name is and there aren’t any Petes.
So Jacob and Pete are lying on the beach and Pete’s like I want to kill you and Jacob’s like haha and Pete’s like loophole. And Jacob’s like I’m going to watch some people on the ship and Pete’s like, they’re all going to die anyway. And Pete’s like, Jacob and Jacob’s like I’m not going to say your name.
So Pete goes tromping off into the jungle

FWOOMP

So then Jacob gets all excited and he’s like I’m going to go all around the world and I’m going to curse people and then I’m going to be like, Hurley it’s a blessing. That guy was supposed to jump off the building. And the guy was supposed to be killed by the meteor, That’s the way it was supposed to happen.
And Hurley’s like do you want a fruit roll-up and Jacob’s like, no I’m on a diet.
Hurley goes to the Island and etc.

So, but one of the people that Jacob decided to go visit was the fake Ana Lucia, because he knew that Ana Lucia was going to die, but he liked people with her skin tone. And then he healed her face *angelic singing* because I am what lies in the shadow of the statue. And then Ilana was like I will go find Bram because he reminds me of a muffin.
Then Jacob is like I’m gonna chill out over here in this cave under the statue of a foot because what’s better than a foot.

Meanwhile... Back or forwards in time, Pete has magical powers, so he shapeshifts into sa-moke-ee and he’s like "Looooocccckkkeeee I weeeeelllll becommmmmme yooooooou!"
And Locke is really dead! >:(

Brief flashback to when Jacob and Ilana were talking. Jacob’s like, by the way, there’s this dead guy and he’s bald and he’s on a plane and you need to capture a guy named Sayid and go on the plane with the dead bald guy and when you crash on an Island where Sayid will disappear you are going to take a big box that looks like it holds a nuclear weapon, but it doesn’t, it just has magical powers to keep people from decomposing and smelling really, really bad and put the dead bald guy in it and then go to a statue because you will magically know where it is because I have given you magical powers.
End of brief flashback

So then Sa-moke-ee takes the form of LOCKE! Dun dun dun!
And He’s like Richard take me here, Richard take me there, Ben be my dog
And Ben’s like, a-woof, tell me what to do master, because I am a walking zombie.
And Smokey-Locke’s like hahahahah I will laugh in your face.
And Richard is confused. You’re not following the rules!
And Smokey-Locke is like hahhah I don’t care about rules. I don’t speak rules *chuckle, chuckle*
Then Smokey-Locke goes into the FOOT!
And he’s like, come here puppy, come here puppy, you can do it Benny, oh you’re such a good boy.

They go into the foot and Jacob’s like look at the thing I made aren’t you proud of me?
And Smokey-Locke says, no I am not proud of you, but I’m not going to say that because Ben is here and he’s supposed to do my bidding and I can’t say anything because I don’t want him to know that I’m not Locke, I’m really Smokey-Locke who is really Pete, but nobody would know that but you.

So then Ben is all Oh so cute like a little kid and he’s like why do you hate me, why why why? I did everything that you asked me to do and I never asked why. I fetched your sticks and I got your slippers. What about me? Because apparently that’s the question of the day.

And Jacob, cold-hearted Jacob, says, *high-school girl voice* what about you? eww. And Ben goes psycho *stab, stab, stab, stab, stab*
And Pete, because being stabbed in the heart isn’t enough, pushes Jacob into the flames, flames, FLAMES!

Meanwhile on the beach, Richard is like what is going on? And Ilana comes up with her muffin and says you must see something Ricardos and Richard is like that hasn’t been my name in like a hundred years, get with the program.
And Ilana’s like open the box, my muffin.

So Bram opens the box and *DUN DUN DUN music* and you think is it this? Is it that? It could be anything! It could be anyone! And then they show you the face and you think, huh, I never thought about that one.

And then you realize it’s the real John Locke and he’s really dead. And you realize that’s why Locke has been acting so strange. And then you realize that he’s really dead and then you want to cry ;-; and then you feel like Richard because you’re really confused.
And Locke is still in the cave, but he’s not Locke he’s really Pete and we’re all still really confused.

The End.