"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" ~ C. S. Lewis

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Retail Wednesday ... um yeah, that's about it...

It's that day again!

I know you've been lurking over your computer, feverishly pressing refresh waiting for this to go up... well wait no longer! Retail Wednesday has arrived!

(okay, so maybe you haven't but let me cling to my little illusion of fame in peace)


A woman approached me and asked, "Where are your books on trout farming?"

I didn't quite hear her and said, "Books on farming?"

She said, very emphatically, "TROUT farming."

I told her I didn't think we had anything, but I would look it up. 5 books come up on the screen - 4 of which are out of print and 1 that might be orderable. I tell her this.

She looks suspiciously at me. "What about books on ponds?"

I tell her that all we have is a landscaping book. She asks to see it. I show her and she thanks me. I go on my way.

Later I found out that she accosted coworker Jo and demanded to know where books on Trout were.

Jo shows her the fishing and hunting section. The woman says, "NO! TROUT!"
See, THIS is what she needed!


Coworker Jn is at the register. A customer comes up.

Man: Can I buy a Barnes & Noble's gift card here?

Jn: No, but you can buy a Borders gift card (she figures he may be confused. I've actually had people make checks out to B&N and then get annoyed that they have to rewrite it.)

Man: What's the difference?

Jn: It's a different store.

Man: What do you mean?
Jn: Well, like McDonald's and Burger King are different companies, Barnes & Noble and Borders are two different companies.

Man: So I can't buy a Barnes & Noble gift card here.

Jn: (kill me, just kill me now - well, that's what I would have been thinking anyways.)

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEST. POSTER. EVER. Can I get a print for my office?

This is something that drives me crazy.

Woman comes up to me and says, "You don't have any books on preparing for the LSAT, do you.

It makes me want to say, "You're RIGHT! We NEVER carry the books you want! Because we don't like YOU!"

Instead I smile and say, yes, let me show you the section.


Coworker Am gets called up to the register to handle a return. There is a man there with a magazine that he wants to return. He bought it in the city and doesn't want it.

Am politely informs him that we do not take back magazines. He starts getting all dithery about it. You can't return it? I only bought it 2 days ago. I was on the train so I couldn't return it.

Am is thinking to herself, you were on the train for 2 DAYS? It doesn't take that long to travel from the city.
He was on the train so long he aged...

She looks at the magazine and realizes that we don't carry it in our store anyway. She informs him of this.

He continues to get dithery and asks repeatedly, so you can't take it back? Can't you just take it back? Why can't I return it?

Am thinks to herself, oh yes, ask 14 more times and I will suddenly change company policy and take back a magazine that is a loss for my store!

Man informs her that the magazine just didn't have what he wanted in it.

Am is now thinking, so you READ the magazine before trying to return it. Oh, yes, now I want to take it. Not. She apologizes and moves away to take care of something at another register.

Man continues to talk at the cashier. He asks for a customer service #. The cashier asks Am which number to give. Am tells them.

Man huffs. NO. I don't want that number!

Cashier says, but this is the customer care number.

Man says I DON'T WANT A CUSTOMER CARE NUMBER. I want to talk to your manager!

Am is now thoroughly annoyed and gives him the store number, letting him know when the manager will next be in.

Man calls his kids, says they're never buying anything from us again, makes his kids put down the books they were carrying and leaves the store.


Coworker Am (again) is called to the front for a coupon issue. She goes up and sees a woman there with an audiobook and a coupon. Doesn't understand what the problem is. Approaches and discovers that the coupon is "46% off these 4 books". Am explains that to the woman, but lets her know that she can use the 40% off any one item coupon instead. Woman is outraged.

Woman: This was on the sale table, too! (points to the new releases table)

Am: That's just a new release table, it's not a sale table.

Woman: Well, everything on it is 40% off! Why isn't this?

Am: Everything isn't 40% off. Just the stickered items. Some of them are 30%, some of them are 20% and some things aren't on sale at all.
This is NOT what the table looked like
1st off we don't sell beads, 2ndly ours doesn't say SALE!

Woman: Well, whenever I come in, it just comes up 40% off.

Am: only when they're on sale.

Woman: Well, this shouldn't be on the sale table if it's not on sale.

Am: It's not a sale table.

Woman: People are going to be confused when they come in with their coupons, because they'll think everything on the table is on sale. It's very deceiving.

Am: The coupons SAY what is on sale - and most of them are on ANY ONE ITEM so there's nothing confusing about it.

Woman: It shouldn't be on the sale table if it's not on sale.

Am: I'm sorry you misunderstood. (picks up the audiobook to put it away)

Woman: Don't put that over there!

Am: That's where it goes. We have to keep it on this table, it's a company display.

Woman: Don't put it on that table.

Am: It belongs there.

Woman: I'm going to buy it (implies, you idiot)


I am standing at the information desk. A woman comes up.

Woman: I'm looking for a kid's book. It's about a groundhog

Me: (waiting, waiting, waiting... oh, great. That's all she knows) Do you know any part of the title or the author?

Woman: No. It's about a groundhog.

Me: Do you know anything else about it?

Woman: it's for 4-5 year olds and is about a groundhog.

Me: All that comes up is books on groundhog's day.

Woman: NO! (nearly scares me to death with her vehemence) It's not about Groundhog's Day! IT's about a GROUNDHOG.

Me: Wait, you said it's about a groundhog!? That changes EVERYTHING! (not really, but haha wouldn't that have been great?)
The groundhog is not amused.

Don't forget to check out the INVASION OF THE BLOGGY SNATCHERS BLOGFEST below (or click on the epic poster I made on the sidebar)

Coming soon:
You don't wanna miss out!


Raquel Byrnes said...

That was hilarious. Takes me back to working at a small mom and pop bookstore a few years ago.

We had a woman come in wanting a book about "yay big" (puts hands up in air as if surrendering)...and blue.

"Its about this girl who finds out this guy secretly loves her."

I'm thinking, "That could be about stalkers, spies, a really dumb girl..."

I looked for an hour and actually found it. It was red.

Jessica said...

Lol -- hilarious as usual. And I totally need to get me a copy of that poster as well, so let me know when you find them. ;-)

Piedmont Writer said...

No, it's about a groundhog!!! I love these.

Summer said...

Geez, I really don't miss my retail days...

j.m. neeb said...

Retail Wednesday posts always provide justification for my saying "you can never underestimate human stupidity."

Note: I'm comfortable saying that because I am a human and sometimes my stupidity shines through, too.

Like the time a couple weeks back when I went in to pre-pay for my gas moments before promptly going outside and driving away. I had to return to the gas station and it was rather humbling. ;)

Word Verification Word Definition

Orkelin: A small town in central Ireland where the legend of leprechauns began.

Falen said...

i don't understand why people who want very specific books don't just buy them online.
I mean, i have a hard enough time finding the next book in a popular series i'm reading at a bookstore, let alone one on trout farming

aLmYbNeNr said...

What an annoying bunch of ijits LOL...yes made up word. I'm so glad I don't work retail anymore!

Mia said...


Firstly I must apologise because you know the negativity one? Yah, I sometimes do that.... In all fairness it's more "You don't happen to have ....?" than what she said but, um, yea. In my weak and flimsy defence I suspect this is a phrase thing drummed into me cause from my wonderfully british lips it sounds TERRIBLY polite.

Secondly THESE WERE HILARIOUS! People really are crazy sometimes ;)

<3 <3 <3

Jemi Fraser said...

Yikes! Love the Borders/Barnes & Noble mixup - why don't people just get it? :)

Dangerous With a Pen said...

Awwww... I heart people. :)

Some people in this world seriously need to get a clue. You'd be amazed at how people are just as... um... not... with it... when it comes to their own children. Oh, how I wish I could do Teacher Wednesdays!!! :S

Anyway. Hey, listen... I think we should develop a Clue Training Course. It would make the world a better place AND we would be rich! That is made of WIN!!!!

WV: lishewd
Def: What you do after you are le socked. :)

JW said...

You know, there really should be a sitcom that's based in a bookstore.

Jessica said...

My favorite B&N/Borders mixup was when was in my first store and a customer yelled at me because I couldn't accept a B&N card for payment...he threw his map (which he was purchasing) at me and stormed out of the store....

AchingHope said...

Haha... At least B&N is the same type of store. I had an old man try to pay at Staples with a Shell Station gift card. Um... No.

These made me cringe! And laugh, and bang my head against the table.