Retail Wednesday I guess

I'm kind of bummed out this week.

See, I keep a scrap of paper in my pocket that I take notes on as things happen throughout the week, because I could never remember everything when I sat down on Wednesdays. But SOMEHOW my notes got LOST on Sunday and so I just have from Monday and Tuesday and one story I remembered from before.

This is putting me in a bigger funk than it should be. Snap out of it!

Okay, let's GO!

DENSEST CUSTOMER AWARD:

A woman with her two kids comes in. We are having this Summer Reading challenge. If kids read 10 books, list it on the sheet and bring it back to the store they get to select a free book from the list on the sheet. Both of her girls have filled out the form.

Woman: (waving the sheets at me) Where are the books for this?

Me: (at the counter helping another customer. I point to the display about 7 feet away.) It's the books that are listed on the sheet. They're on both sides of that display with the banner hanging over it.

I go back to helping the customer, the woman and her daughters wander around. Pick up a couple of books from the display, put it back, enter the kids room, come back when I am free.

Woman: There are signs all over. How do we know which books they can get?

Me: The books are all on this display. (I point directly to it) They're the ones listed on the sheet.

Woman: But there are signs on all these other tables.

Me: That's just to let people know about the program.

Woman: All right.

She goes back, tells her daughters that they have to put the books they've picked back. That it's only the books on the display. They come over, browse and (I thought) selected 2 books. They wander away. A few minutes later the cashier calls me, saying someone has 2 books for the summer reading, but they aren't on the list, but the customer is telling her I said she could pick anything off of any of the 3 tables.

I sigh and walk up to the front of the store where the woman is standing there.

Me: These books aren't part of it. It was just the books on that one display.

Woman: You waved your hand toward all the tables.

Me: I said it was the ones on the 2 sides of that display and that they were listed on the sheet.

Woman: Now you're annoyed with me. You know, it's really deceiving to have signs all over. Little kids come in and think they can get any of the books where the signs are and then you tell them they can't.

Me: The signs are just to let people know the promotion is going on. That's why they're listed on the coupon.

Woman: (exaggerated sigh) Can I see the sheets again?

Me: absolutely.

Woman: You should have shown me exactly which ones they were. Those other signs should come down. (stalks back up the aisle, tells her girls they have to pick new ones again.)

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

TIME WASTER AWARD:

R calls me up to the register to handle a return. A guy says he needs to return 3 GRE books. However, the receipt is from JULY.

Me: I'm sorry, we have a 30 day return policy, 60 days with the Borders Rewards card.

Man: There's no way I can return these?

Me: No, because they're also dated materials. The new editions have come out, so we can't even sell these.

Man: I can't return any of them?

Me: No, they're out of date.

Man: Well, I figured as much, but thought it was worth a try.

You are NOT welcome.

OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTER AWARD:

Our Sam's Club recently opened up a gas station. I was availing myself of their lower prices when I had a chance to see that bookstores aren't the ONLY ones to deal with dense customers.

A woman pulls up in a mini van. Gets out of the car. Looks at the pump.

Woman: This won't work!

Attendant: It will only work if you have a membership card.

Woman: I have one.

Attendant: Then it should be fine.

Woman: No, my car won't take this.

Attendant: (assumes she means diesel since it's a dual pump) No, there's another nozzle. It will work.

Woman: No, it's ethanol. My car just takes regular gas. (gestures at the 10% ethanol sticker on the pump)

Attendant: They're all like that.

Woman: All of your pumps have that?

Attendant: No ma'am, all pumps do.

Woman: No, it just takes regular gas. You don't have any regular? (her friend pulls up behind her and she hollers over to her) Does yours take this kind? (her friend is confused) My car just needs regular. All of yours are like this?

Me: (breaking in and trying to save the poor attendant) Every gas station has 10% ethanol. If you go to Exxon or Shell or wherever, they all say that.

Woman: Oh.

Attendant: (thanks me with his eyes)

CLUELESS AWARD:

A woman approaches K at the information desk with a box. She sets it on the counter with a huff.

Woman: Can you tell me how to work this thing?

K looks down. It is a still-in-the-box Kindle.

K: I'm sorry, we don't carry the Kindle so I'm not really sure how it works.

Woman: Well, there's no instructions or anything. I don't know how to work it.

K: You're going to have to go onto their website. They should have instructions there.

Woman: I don't know how to use all that stuff.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

And that's the lot for today! Don't forget to sign up for the INVASION OF THE BLOGGY SNATCHERS blogfest! It's gonna be FUN!

Also, if you haven't read it, here's my take on ZombieLuv.

Don't forget the BEA Bonanza coming (probably NEXT WEEK)

and

the SUPER SISTER CELEBRATION in AUGUST!

Zombie Luv Flash Fic Contest: Advantages

All right ... if you are cool like me, then you follow Mia Hayson's blog. And if you are super cool, then you also follow her Zombie blog. Trust me. If you want to survive the zombie apocalypse that is destined to come, then you NEED to be following her. I never thought about zombies much. Then Mia was talking about them only ALL of the time and I thought, this might be important. Then I read the most amazing zombie YA novel (Rot & Ruin by Jonathan Maberry and yes, I have mentioned this book before and I will mention it again. I really liked it. A LOT) and so I've kind of had zombies on the brain.

Well, Mia posted some flash fic that she was doing for a zombie contest. It's being sponsored my Mari's Randomities and Flashes in the Dark.

So I thought I would check it out. I have never written anything even near this genre before. But it seemed like it would be fun and what did I have to lose anyway? (The contest is open until July 10th, so if you want to try your hand at it you have time.)

So here is my first ever ZOMBIE FICTION. I had SO much fun writing this and I think (hope) that comes through. enjoy!

**************NOTE********************

I had to take this down for some reasons, so sorry if you're looking for it :)

I left the pretty pictures up for you! :D

Retail Wednesday ... um yeah, that's about it...

It's that day again!

I know you've been lurking over your computer, feverishly pressing refresh waiting for this to go up... well wait no longer! Retail Wednesday has arrived!

(okay, so maybe you haven't but let me cling to my little illusion of fame in peace)

STRANGEST TOPIC AWARD:

A woman approached me and asked, "Where are your books on trout farming?"

I didn't quite hear her and said, "Books on farming?"

She said, very emphatically, "TROUT farming."

I told her I didn't think we had anything, but I would look it up. 5 books come up on the screen - 4 of which are out of print and 1 that might be orderable. I tell her this.

She looks suspiciously at me. "What about books on ponds?"

I tell her that all we have is a landscaping book. She asks to see it. I show her and she thanks me. I go on my way.

Later I found out that she accosted coworker Jo and demanded to know where books on Trout were.

Jo shows her the fishing and hunting section. The woman says, "NO! TROUT!"

See, THIS is what she needed!

DENSEST CUSTOMER AWARD:

Coworker Jn is at the register. A customer comes up.

Man: Can I buy a Barnes & Noble's gift card here?

Jn: No, but you can buy a Borders gift card (she figures he may be confused. I've actually had people make checks out to B&N and then get annoyed that they have to rewrite it.)

Man: What's the difference?

Jn: It's a different store.

Man: What do you mean?

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Jn: Well, like McDonald's and Burger King are different companies, Barnes & Noble and Borders are two different companies.

Man: So I can't buy a Barnes & Noble gift card here.

Jn: (kill me, just kill me now - well, that's what I would have been thinking anyways.)

NEGATIVE NELLY AWARD:

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEST. POSTER. EVER. Can I get a print for my office?

This is something that drives me crazy.

Woman comes up to me and says, "You don't have any books on preparing for the LSAT, do you.

It makes me want to say, "You're RIGHT! We NEVER carry the books you want! Because we don't like YOU!"

Instead I smile and say, yes, let me show you the section.

NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON IN THE BOX AWARD:

Coworker Am gets called up to the register to handle a return. There is a man there with a magazine that he wants to return. He bought it in the city and doesn't want it.

Am politely informs him that we do not take back magazines. He starts getting all dithery about it. You can't return it? I only bought it 2 days ago. I was on the train so I couldn't return it.

Am is thinking to herself, you were on the train for 2 DAYS? It doesn't take that long to travel from the city.

He was on the train so long he aged...

She looks at the magazine and realizes that we don't carry it in our store anyway. She informs him of this.

He continues to get dithery and asks repeatedly, so you can't take it back? Can't you just take it back? Why can't I return it?

Am thinks to herself, oh yes, ask 14 more times and I will suddenly change company policy and take back a magazine that is a loss for my store!

Man informs her that the magazine just didn't have what he wanted in it.

Am is now thinking, so you READ the magazine before trying to return it. Oh, yes, now I want to take it. Not. She apologizes and moves away to take care of something at another register.

Man continues to talk at the cashier. He asks for a customer service #. The cashier asks Am which number to give. Am tells them.

Man huffs. NO. I don't want that number!

Cashier says, but this is the customer care number.

Man says I DON'T WANT A CUSTOMER CARE NUMBER. I want to talk to your manager!

Am is now thoroughly annoyed and gives him the store number, letting him know when the manager will next be in.

Man calls his kids, says they're never buying anything from us again, makes his kids put down the books they were carrying and leaves the store.

MOST ANNOYING AWARD:

Coworker Am (again) is called to the front for a coupon issue. She goes up and sees a woman there with an audiobook and a coupon. Doesn't understand what the problem is. Approaches and discovers that the coupon is "46% off these 4 books". Am explains that to the woman, but lets her know that she can use the 40% off any one item coupon instead. Woman is outraged.

Woman: This was on the sale table, too! (points to the new releases table)

Am: That's just a new release table, it's not a sale table.

Woman: Well, everything on it is 40% off! Why isn't this?

Am: Everything isn't 40% off. Just the stickered items. Some of them are 30%, some of them are 20% and some things aren't on sale at all.

This is NOT what the table looked like

1st off we don't sell beads, 2ndly ours doesn't say SALE!

Woman: Well, whenever I come in, it just comes up 40% off.

Am: only when they're on sale.

Woman: Well, this shouldn't be on the sale table if it's not on sale.

Am: It's not a sale table.

Woman: People are going to be confused when they come in with their coupons, because they'll think everything on the table is on sale. It's very deceiving.

Am: The coupons SAY what is on sale - and most of them are on ANY ONE ITEM so there's nothing confusing about it.

Woman: It shouldn't be on the sale table if it's not on sale.

Am: I'm sorry you misunderstood. (picks up the audiobook to put it away)

Woman: Don't put that over there!

Am: That's where it goes. We have to keep it on this table, it's a company display.

Woman: Don't put it on that table.

Am: It belongs there.

Woman: I'm going to buy it (implies, you idiot)

VAGUEST REQUEST AWARD:

I am standing at the information desk. A woman comes up.

Woman: I'm looking for a kid's book. It's about a groundhog

Me: (waiting, waiting, waiting... oh, great. That's all she knows) Do you know any part of the title or the author?

Woman: No. It's about a groundhog.

Me: Do you know anything else about it?

Woman: it's for 4-5 year olds and is about a groundhog.

Me: All that comes up is books on groundhog's day.

Woman: NO! (nearly scares me to death with her vehemence) It's not about Groundhog's Day! IT's about a GROUNDHOG.

Me: Wait, you said it's about a groundhog!? That changes EVERYTHING! (not really, but haha wouldn't that have been great?)

The groundhog is not amused.

Don't forget to check out the INVASION OF THE BLOGGY SNATCHERS BLOGFEST below (or click on the epic poster I made on the sidebar)

Coming soon:

WEEK LONG BEA BONANZA in July

SUPER SISTER CELEBRATION in August

You don't wanna miss out!

WATCH OUT!!!!!!! IT'S THE......

It is entirely possible that I may have had too much fun putting that poster together.

So I'm jumping on the bandwagon and hosting my first ever blogfest. I hope all ya'll will join me. It's going to be super fun!

I must give credit where credit is due... It all started on Twitter (where so many things in my life seem to start recently)

The ever fabulous and super sparkly Mia Hayson was trying to come up with a blog post idea. There was a bit of discussion and she ended up writing this hysterical entertaining post featuring the fantastic and lovely Amalia.

After reading it I announced my burning desire to be included in the story. So Mia and Amalia and I were chatting about the possibilities this had to offer and Mia said it would make a fun blogfest.

My brain promptly exploded with ideas.

Some other stuff may grow out of that post and conversation so I hope I'm not stepping on any toes here, but I decided to run with it.

Here's the idea:

Invasion of the Bloggy Snatchers!

I love all of you and the best part of blogging has been making friends all over the world and I know a lot of you feel the same way - so here's your chance to get your blogger friends involved! They are going to invade your writing!

Here are some ideas to get you going, but if you have something different you want to do, by all means, please feel free!

1. Write a scene where you go to visit one of your blogger friends or they come to visit you. (kind of like Mia's post linked above) Maybe it's a holiday or on a really busy day or you just drop in and they're in the middle of something important like a bank heist or something.
2. Write a scene where a bunch of blogger friends get together to hang out or for an event or to be interviewed on Oprah or something. Sarah Jayne Smythe did something kind of like this for her beach blogfest and it was really funny.
3. Take a scene from a WIP and have some blogger friends invade it. Have them flirt with your characters or kill someone or interrupt everything or throw glitter around.
4. Write a scene not related to a WIP where blogger friends invade it and screw up the plot. Or make it progress.
5. Write a therapy session featuring some of your blogger friends. hehehe

You get the idea - I think this could be OODLES of fun, but I know it's not something you can just throw up a snip from a WIP for so I wanted to give us plenty of time, which is why it's in the middle of August. And it's on a Wednesday, because that's my usual day off and I'll have time to (hopefully) get around to everyone's post and put up my own.

If you have any thoughts/ideas/suggestions, leave them in the comments!

Feel free to let other people know about it and to steal my little poster sticker from above.

And just as a little thank you to all of you for making my life richer and my blogging experience a blast, I'll make a happy little amigarumi owl for one random person that I'll draw out of the pool of people that participate in the blogfest :D

This is my first time trying the linky thing so hopefully it works! If you have a problem let me know and I will try to fix it :D

BOOK-IN-A-DAY GIVEAWAY WINNERS!!!!! and a little randomness

HI THERE ALL MY BLOGGER LOVELIES!!!

Well, considering it IS Friday and I'm supposed to do RANDOM things on Fridays I decided to throw out 2 RANDOM pictures that I took a while ago, but I keep MEANING to put up here. They made me laugh, so I thought you might enjoy them too!

This was taken at our local Sam's Club:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

FUN SIZE TURKEYS! Now I've seen everything. The REALLY funny thing is that they really were little tiny turkeys :D

And I took this picture when we got that giant snow storm back in January or whatever and we were checking to see when the storm was supposed to move out. Then we found this button that would solve ALL our problems (at least weather related ones :)

Don't you wish that actually worked!?

All rightie...

For those of you that missed it, I did a little book review that you should check out over here.

And I was offering a giveaway of both of the books I reviewed!

And today is the day I announce the WINNERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Normally I like to do the actual pieces of paper thing, but I am short on time, so I just ran them through Random.org (I feel incredibly lazy about this now, but whatever)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO without further ado!

The winner of Winter Coat is....

COURTNEY BARR AKA SOUTHERN PRINCESS!!!!!!!!!!!

*wild cheering* *throws giant handful of confetti*

*coughs as the confetti permeates everything*

CONGRATULATIONS COURTNEY!!!!!!!!!

The winner of Blindspots is....

RAQUEL BYRNES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*crazy hip hip hooraying* *throws giant handful of sparkles*

*blinks rapidly to try to see through the mist of sparkles*

YEAH RAQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So if you guys can e-mail me (the link is in my profile) with your mailing info I will get these out to you on Monday (or maybe Tuesday) :D

Thanks to everyone who stopped by and entered the contests and soon (VERY soon) I'm going to do a WEEK LONG BEA GIVEAWAY! So stay tuned for that because it is seriously going to ROCKSOCKS!

Wednesday, Wednesday Nana Nananana

Anyways!

Welcome to the 17th weekly RETAIL WEDNESDAY AWARDS

Aren't you excited?!

But first... you have until TOMORROW NIGHT to enter my SIGNED book giveaway! So why haven't you already? You have nothing to lose and a BOOK to gain. Nuff said.

Say What? Award:

Customer is paying for a book. Shakes all their money out, but comes up 64 cents short. He looks at the cashier and says, "That's okay, right?"

Apparently THIS is what happened...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Vaguest Request Award:

A couple of teenagers are looking at the Sony Reader display. I ask if they need help or if they have any questions. The boy looks at me and says, "Is this that E-Reader that I saw on the commercial?"

Insensitivity Award:

A customer was looking for the books by Stieg Larsson. The first 2 are in paperback, but the 3rd was just recently released and is only in hardcover. The customer looks at it and then says to my coworker. "The guy's dead. Why don't they just put it out in paperback. It's not like he's gonna get the money."

He's dead, Jim

Book Titles That Make Me Laugh Award:

I was building a "Beer and More" endcap for Father's Day. As I was browsing through the "Wine and Spirits" section I came across the following book, which immediately made me think of Simon. Exquisite Cocktails and Unsound Advice: The Right Drink For Every Occasion HAHA! It includes things like, the proper cocktail to have while stalking your ex, etc.

Sexist Award:

A (a female coworker) answers the phone.

Man: Yes, I'm looking for condenser microphones.

A: I'm sorry we don't carry any electronics or software.

Man: No, it's not software - a condenser microphone.

A: We don't carry electronics.

Man: You don't know what you're talking about. Can I talk to a guy please?

This is pretty much how she looked...

A: (pause, jaw drop, irritated grinding of teeth) There are no guys here right now. We don't sell any electronics.

Man: Well, where should I get one.

A: Maybe somewhere they sell electronics?

Outright Bizarre Award:

A girl comes into the store and approaches J. She holds out a book and says...

"My boyfriend stole this book. We're no longer in a relationship."

Apparently it wasn't a pleasant parting.

Do you think they broke up over the stealing of the book?

I like to :)

Oh man, it just never ceases to amaze me!

Thanks for stopping by!

Here's a little treat for the road :)

Text Fiction

My sister and I have invented a NEW FICTION FORM!

It's amazing!

So, we have unlimited texting on our phones and as we were driving away from the Verizon store we were playing with it, because we could. I was in the front seat (NOT driving, so don't freak out) and she was in the back seat (NOT driving either) and she sent me the following text:

Once upon a time there was a duck.

So of course I had to answer her...

Who had a friend that was a skunk.

And obviously she had to respond and so on and so forth until we created a short and VERY bizarre little story.

So now it's become a fun thing we do, when we're travelling somewhere and we're bored we TEXT WRITE. It's SO great because you never know what the other person is going to throw back at you AND you're limited to 160 characters so sometimes you HAVE to leave it hanging for the other to fill in the blanks.

So I shall now give you our 3rd Text Fiction story written on the way back from BEA while we were riding the train, separated by several seats because it was all full and we were tired and bored.

I am the purple and Naomi is the green :)

Once upon a time there was an armadillo. And he walked all day so his feet hurt loads and loads, as much as it hurts to do laundry. (Which in Dillo's opinion was a lot.)

He had walked to the stream and to the giant rock shaped like an aardvark and to the yellow tree of sparkling butterflies and to the Pond of Genius. He of course had tried bathing in the Pond of Genius to become smart but had only managed to get slightly damp at which point Dillo realized he was hungry. So hungry he could have eaten a cactus.

Fortunately there weren't any cacti nearby. But there wasn't any other food either. He had to walk all the way to a large barn-like structure made from wooden boards painted bright-hurt-your-eyes green. It was a All-you-can-eat animal buffet. Which are very hard to find but Dillo had connections.

His waiter was a very gregarious water buffalo. "I'm famished," said Dillo. "Wonk," said the Water Buffalo, for it was the only thing he could say other than "HDEFQJR," which is nearly impossible to pronounce and is a word in the ancient Waffulo dialect rarely used. It can mean 17 different things depending on your mood and current distance from the sun.

"Can I have some of that Armadillo Deluxe Extreme Foodstuffs?"

WB said "HDFQJR."

Dillo looked outside to check the distance of the sun. "Oh, he sighed. "I guess I'll have to go for the non-extreme then."

"Wonk," said the water buffalo and brought himm his meal.

When he was done he got up to wander around the desert like he was want to do, when the wall caved in and he realized it had all been a reality tv show... Dillo's Delight. Dillo wasn't sure what to make of this turn of events. So he curled into a ball and began yodelling in the crook of his arm. The producers, director, and stuntman all stared at each other awkwardly.

"HFJDQU!" shouted the water buffalo as he swung out of the sky and scooped Dillo up. "Wonk!" he cried. Dillo was so startled and happy that he laughed giddily and the producers and directors and stuntman were left to confer alone together.

The end

P.S. No armadillo's nor water buffalos were harmed in the texting of this story.

ause wSO now that you KNOW we are crazy I just want to say that Naomi and I are still planning on doing that SUPER SISTER CONTEST sometime this summer and it just might maybe involve some personalized text fiction for a winner or two :)

So if you DON'T follow my sister's HI-LARIOUS blog, you should go check it out! She's actually got 2! and they're both linked on the sidebar under Stuff About the Blog!

AND if you HAVEN'T entered the Book-in-a-Day giveaway yet, WHY NOT!? GO comment and enter (that's all you have to do!!!!!!!!!!!)

Book-In-A-Day Review and Giveaway!

Hi there, all my lovely Blogger Friends!

FINALLY I have my first (of several *teases mercilessly*) BEA GIVEAWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

While we were waiting in line for Rick Riordan, a couple of young girls came along handing out fliers. They invited us to come down and see the poetry books they were going to be signing later in the day. I thought it was SO amazing that middle school/high school students had poetry published so my sister and I made a point to go down and check it out.

So it turns out there's this organization called Book-in-a-Day, Inc and they work with students to put out a ... you guessed it ... book in a day.

According to the statement in the beginning of the books...

We had this brilliant idea. What if you put a group of students into a classroom for one day and taught them how to craft good poems... and just let them write about anything they wanted...Could we provide a literary experience that was fun, inspirational, and transformative.

I think the answer is a resounding YES!

Go check out their website - it's got some pretty cool stuff over there.

Well, there were 4 students signing at BEA - 2 students from Brentwood High School and 2 from Herndon Middle School - each pair signing copies of their class' Book-in-a-Day.

These kids pulled no punches. Their poems range from sweet to funny to poignant to intense. They cover topics like death and loss, dreams and aspirations, love and lust.

They really poured their hearts out onto the page and it is incredibly inspiring.

I was so impressed by it that I asked if they would be willing to do something special for me. I told them about all of you and how I have a blog and asked if they would be willing to sign an extra copy that I could give away to a couple of my lovely friends and they did!

Isn't that exciting? Don't you just want to get your hands on a copy of these wonderful books?

Well, here's your chance!

I'm going to make this simple and easy...

ALL you have to do to enter this giveaway is leave a comment on this post.

That's it! Everyone who does will get their name put into the drawing. 1 person will get a copy of ...

And one person will get a copy of ...

Now, you don't have to blog or Tweet or do anything to enter, but if you are so inclined I would love it if you would spread the word - not for me, but for these kids who were so ready to share their lives with us!

I haven't found a way to order these books, though. I've got a contact name and I'm going to ask if there's anywhere all ya'll can go to get them. If so, I'll announce it later.

This contest is going to stay open until Midnight Thursday, June 17th and I'll announce the 2 lucky winners on Friday!

So COMMENT! ENTER! SPREAD THE WORD!

Hmm... Wednesday? You Say I Should Do a Post?

Yeah! Retail Wednesday again :D

Yup, that's pretty much all I have to say about that

Except don't forget to come back Friday for a book review and GIVEAWAY that will be easy and FUN!

And if you didn't see it yet, I posted about my trip to Book Expo America!

On to the Awards!

Vaguest Request Award:

A is approached and a customer asks, "Do you have that YA book where they went to Transylvania, but they lived in Illinois and then they came back? And it has a blue cover. Oh, and I think it's hardcover."

So I guess from here to there and back again?

Or vice versa?

How is this supposed to help me find the book?

Not the Brightest Crayon in the Box Award:

A answers the phone. The customer asks if we carry dictionaries ... "You know, the ones with the big words in it - the old one?"

Like this?

A contains her amusement and affirms that we do indeed carry dictionaries. She asks what they need it for. Customer says they bought a Hip Hop magazine and need a dictionary to understand some of the words.

Irony Award:

This actually has NOTHING to do with the story,

but I thought it was funny

I get called to the front to approve a return. The cover of the book is severely curled and the rest of the pages are obviously read. I apologize and say that the book isn't in salable condition, so I can't take it back. Customer huffs and says, "Well, I bought it in this condition, so you should take it BACK in this condition." I hold my tongue, apologize again and she leaves. ... What I didn't say? "Um, yeah, I helped you find this book last week and it definitely was NOT in this condition."

Irrational Logic Award:

A woman brings two books up to the register. One has a sticker on it that says "Buy 1 Get 1 50% Off". But the books don't ring up that way. She demands to have the second book for 50% off. The cashier explains that the promotion only applies to the books that are stickered. Customer complains that it doesn't SAY that anywhere and that she found the book on the wall bays and there was a whole stack of them, so all the books there should be included.

We check. NO other books on the wall are stickered AND the sign on the table says "Selected Titles Only" and all the books on the table are stickered.

Question we wanted to ask the customer: So if someone set a book with a 30% off sticker onto a table, does that automatically mean that every book on that table is on sale?

Phone Freak Award:

I answer the phone.

Customer: I was wondering if you might have any books that I want in your store.

Me: (what I WANT to say) No, we don't carry ANY books that you would want. We got rid of them all because we knew you were going to call today.

(what I ACTUALLY say) What book are you looking for?

Customer: Do you have xxxxxx part of the yyyyy series?

Me: Let me check. (put customer on hold, find book, return to phone) Yes we do.

Customer: If you put it on hold can my sister come and pick it up? Are you allowed to do that?

Me: Sure, not a problem (why would we not let your sister pick it up?)

(from Vanstaff's flikr)

Unless of course your sister is like this...

Customer: I have a couple of other books. Can you check for those too?

Me: Sure.

Customer: Do you have aaaaaa and bbbbbbb and ccccccc which are all part of the yyyyy series?

Me: (I was already over there! Why didn't you ask for all of these at the same time? GAH!)

Cutie Patootie Award:

A young boy - maybe 10 or 11 - comes up to the information desk clutching a gift card.

I am having a sneezing attack at the moment (which I will try to have to record for you all sometime, because you HAVE to hear it to believe it.) and he waits patiently for me to finish and then says fervently, "God Bless You!"

Me: Thank you, can I help you with something?

Boy: (rocking back and forth - I think he was a little nervous) Do you have that book, "run, run, run as fast as you can, can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man"? I don't know what it's called, whatever the name is?

Me: Sure - I believe it's called "The Gingerbread Man"

Boy: Right, right. The Gingerbread Man. Okay, do you have it?

Me: I think so, let's go look. (We walk into the kid's room and I take him over to the fairy tale/mythology/nursery rhyme section)

Boy: I really hope you have it. I promised my brother I'd get it for him for his birthday and if I can't follow through, I'm sunk!

Me: (thinking this is the cutest thing EVAR!) Here we go. We've got the Gingerbread Boy and the Gingerbread Man.

Boy: I'll just take a quick look and decide which one would be better. Thank you.

Me: You are welcome!

Isn't that just the CUTEST thing EVAR?!?!?! I love my job sometimes :D

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

REMEMBER TO COME BACK FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEA!!!!! (shh... I KNOW it's late... deal with it)

I know, BEA was like ages and ages ago - also known as two weeks.

But the POINT is that I am writing about it now! Right? Right!

So there were 5 of us that went together. Me and my sis and Cupcake and CC and HPFanGirl.

Okay, so those aren't their real names, but I don't have permission to call them by their real names here, SOOOOOO I had fun coming up with fake ones :D

We decided to meet at 4 so we could catch the 4:22am train. And Naomi and I live 1/2 an hour from the meeting place, so we had to leave the house at 3:30... I do not know how commuters do that every day. I think I would die.

We thought we would sleep the whole way to the city, but we were all too excited, so we talked and probably annoyed EVERYBODY to pieces, because they were all being sleepy and quiet. But no one shushed us like they did last year, so I guess we weren't too bad.

The ride in was fun too. We talked about Lost and Buffy and books and authors and stuff and had a grand old time.

Then we got to ... I think it was Penn station. Pete's sake, you'd think I would actually know that, but anyways.

We were trying to get our bearings and there was a crazy lady standing on the corner talking to her imaginary boyfriend who was apparently a real jerk. So we crossed the street. Ah New York.

ANYWAYS.

We found the Center with no problems and got our passes and got our tickets to see the BIG authors we wanted to see and then checked our suitcases.

We were there SO early so we grabbed some bagels and sat down to peruse the signing offerings and put together a strategy of who we had to see when.

And we kind of got scared that we had used up all our energy before the show even opened!

Not so... when those doors opened and they let us in, we were raring to go.

First up we hit the Candlewick Press booth and they had a TON of ARCs available and they all looked fantastic! AND they had two girls dressed up like the characters from Kate DiCamillo's upcoming children's book Bink and Gollie Then we headed off to the autograph section to get a signed copy of said book. It looks SO adorable!

Then we got in line for Sarah, Duchess of York who was signing copies of her new picture book. But there were a gaggle of camera people waiting to video her and she was WAY late, so CC and I decided we'd rather hop around and get some other signatures instead.

So we bounced over to Karin Slaughter who was signing Broken and then bounced into line for Maureen Sherry's book Walls Within Walls (It looks like a lot of fun - right up my alley). We did a little bit of wandering through the booths, but there were SO many great authors doing signings that we spent most of our time in the autographing area. Also, most of the booths didn't have too much exciting stuff going on as compared to last year. A LOT less ARCs available (or so it seemed).

I will say that whoever decided to cram everything on one level so the autographing area was smashed up against the booths needs to be trampled by a herd of angry librarians, teachers, authors and booksellers. It was terrible. You know you're going to have a ton of people lining up to see authors like Rick Riordan or Kate DiCamillo or Melissa Marr or James Patterson. So WHY on EARTH would you have a space only big enough for MAYBE 50 (but more like 30) people. And THEN have NO official people out there directing the line. It was squishy and people were rude and you couldn't get anywhere. That was my major complaint of the day. Next year they need to separate the autographing area out again. Or have at LEAST 2-3 volunteers to direct traffic PER LINE.

Okay, rant over.

Next it was off to stand in line for James Dashner's newest 13th Reality book - I haven't read the others, but they've always looked really interesting. While we were in line, a guy was making his way down introducing himself to the people in line. He said he was James' publisher and asked how we had heard about the author. I said I had received an ARC of The Maze Runner and was really looking forward to reading it though I hadn't had a chance to get to it yet. The publisher was SUPER nice and was chatting with a couple librarians on either side of us in line. He brought back some ARCs for them of a book called The Hourglass Door. Naomi and I were craning our necks to see what the book was about and so he offered us ARCs too! Yeah for sneaky tactics to get more free books! :P

That was Shadow Mountain Publishing and they were great - we saw the guy 3 or 4 times throughout the day and he was always great, they put out a lot of really good books. It's so nice getting to see some of the really great publishing houses that are out there.

Then I got a copy of Murder in Vein a new Fang-In-Cheek mystery novel by Sue Ann Jaffarian. It looks really fun.

Lunch Time! We unloaded our stacks of books into our suitcases and grabbed a quick bite to eat.

You know, I thought I had more pictures, but I guess I was just so excited about meeting these people that I forgot to take pics most of the time. :D

So right after lunch Jon Scieszka was going to be doing a signing. I love his books. The Time Warp Trio series is hilarious and of course all of his picture books like The Stinky Cheese Man and The True Story of the Three Little Pigs and Naomi really likes him too. HE was signing a compilation of short stories called Guys Read: Funny Business but I just wanted to have a chance to meet him and get the autograph. The other girls were, oh it's not that interesting, so it doesn't matter. But Naomi and I said NO, we have to get up there now so we don't MISS HIM! So we ran away from them and got into line.

They were giving away those glasses with the nose and mustache along with the book and there were like 4 of the contributing authors there. So much FUN!

From 1-5 there was author after author that we wanted to see, so we had to be well planned.

Got Jon Scieszka and then .... oh THEN....

Then it was time for ....

LEMONY SNICKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SWEAR I was hyperventilating just a little. You have no idea. The Series of Unfortunate Events is one of my all time favorite kids' series and I've read them all multiple times and I own the entire set, plus all of the ones that they put out as paperbacks, almost all of them on audio, all of the other books he's come out with since then from the tie ins to the Series (The Beatrice Letters and The Unauthorized Autobiography) to the holiday books (The Latke That Wouldn't Stop Screaming and The Lump of Coal) to his first picture book (The Composer is Dead) to the collection of wisdom (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

AND when my sis and I went to London they had DIFFERENT COVERS!!!! SRSLY! So I bought 1 (I think it was The Unauthorized Autobiography) Because I couldn't HELP myself!

It turned out he and the illustrator were signing posters from the new picture book 13 Words and other people were all, "I have to stand in this ridiculously LONG line just to get a POSTER signed? And I was like, um... they could be giving away POST IT NOTES and I would stand in a line TWICE as long. But that's just me.

His line was taking a little longer than most of the lines did, but that was because he actually took a moment to TALK to each person! OMW! He totally insulted EVERYBODY and it was the FUNNIEST thing ever.

Werd. I am SO gushing here, but I cannot express my excitement over this enough.

So anyways...

So Naomi went first and she has a number of friends that were super jealous that she was going to get to meet him, so she says, "2 of my friends hate me because of you."

Lemony Snicket got this strange look on his face and he said, "Where I come from we don't call those friends. So he turned to HPFanGirl, who was behind her, and asked, "Do you hate her?" And HPFanGirl said, "Maybe a little." So he said, "Then you must be her friend!"

And when he signed Naomi's poster he wrote, "To Naomi, who has questionable friends"

hahahaha!

Then it was my turn and I knew I was going to be an idiot, so I just went for it.

I said, "I know this sounds cheezy, but I am your biggest fan."

He said, "Don't put yourself down like that. I've known people much bigger than you."

OMW, I was LAUGHING so hard!

Then he said, "Well, it's very nice of you to say that now that I've turned it into an insult."

Then it was CC's turn and she was wearing a t-shirt that he read aloud. Except the t-shirt said, "Love Your Body" so he read it and then was all, oh excuse me, I was just reading your shirt. Do you wear that just in the hopes that someone will read it aloud?"

Oh my. I could have just sat there all day. We were all cracking up.

Next was Cupcake and she had decided to get the poster signed for her dad. So when Lemony Snicket looked at who he was supposed to make it out to, he said, "And this is for... Jim. Hello, Jim. I don't care what anyone says, you are very masculine."

*sigh* :D

After that I hopped into another line and was grinning from ear to ear. I couldn't STOP smiling. My face was so happy that it just stayed in this giant dorky grin for like half an hour! The lady in front of me was looking over at the Lemony Snicket line and looked at me and says, "I was GOING to see him, but that line was so long and they're not even giving away a book."

I looked at her with my giant grin and said, "It's the chance to get to meet the author. I don't care what they were giving away."

And she looked at me like I was crazy. But people, come on. As great as the ARCs and everything are, are you not there to get to MEET these people that you have come to LOVE through their BOOKS!? If they had signed my program and sent me on my way I would have been happy just for the opportunity (but I LOVE my ARCs don't get me wrong.).

Anyways. Here's a couple bad pics of Lemony Snicket :D

So that other line I was in was for Gail Carson Levine who is ALSO one of my FAVORITE authors! Have you read her stuff? It's SO great! She's written Ella Enchanted and Fairest and Ever and The Two Princesses of Bamarre and she was signing ARCs of her newest picture book Betsy Red Hoodie and (later) Fairies and the Quest for NeverLand. It was all just SO happy :D

Naomi went to Brandon Mull and John Flanagan while the rest of us got in line for Rick Riordan. That line was SO long. HPFanGirl was hyperventilating at this point. She was as excited about getting to see him as I was about Lemony Snicket. I was pretty excited too. He was signing copies of The Red Pyramid the first book in his new series.

He was really nice and HPFanGirl was OVER the MOON. Here's another kinda crummy pic :P

I got another picture that was better, but HPFanGirl is IN it so...

After that we ran over to see where the line was forming for Melissa Marr. She was there last year as well and she is SO nice!

Right in front of her, in the same line, Diana Peterfreund was signing and Naomi had found the logline for the book interesting so she decided to get in line for that and then come back around and join us. It was for the book Ascendant and the logline was this: The killer-unicorn phenomenon continues in this sequel to Rampant.

Intriguing, no?

Well, apparently it was more of a phenomenon than the BEA folks thought, because they put her in for 1/2 an hour and right before Melissa Marr. But the line exploded and they ended up creating a booth for her to sign in so they could get Melissa Marr in and she was signing until her ARCs were gone. But Naomi had to leave the line because of it, so she and I made it back there later and both got signed copies :)

Anyways, Melissa Marr was signing copies of Radiant Shadows the 4th book in her Wicked Lovely series. She is great and the series is great. I've been following her on Twitter and told her so and we chatted for a moment about that. SO much FUN!

While I had been waiting in line for Melissa Marr with CC, I saw we were right next to Jonathan Maberry who was signing ARCs of his new YA book Rot & Ruin. It's about ZOMBIES and so I immediately thought of MIA and HAD to get a copy. OMW it is A. Maz. Ing. I love this book a LOT.

Then we went to Bree Despain signing copies of The Dark Divine which looks really interesting.

While we were standing in line for Rick Riordan, a couple of young girls (like middle school age) were going around handing out fliers. They were signing copies of poetry books and inviting people to come down and check it out. Now I thought it was pretty cool that such young kids had a BOOK published, so Naomi and I made sure we found our way down to them. There were two books they were signing... Winter Coat and Blindspots both poetry books put together by students of their own poetry.

Now here's the exciting part for you guys... They signed an EXTRA COPY of EACH BOOK for me so I could review it for all of you Lovely Blogger Friends and then do a GIVEAWAY! Aren't you EXCITED?!

SO - come back on Friday for the review and giveaway. It's gonna be FANTASTIC!

So then it was late and we were tired and our shoulders felt like they were going to fall off so we gathered everything together and made our way back to the train station. Unfortunately there was some international soccer game that night and all of the trains back to Secaucus were mad full and people were rude and hogging extra seats! What is up with you commuters? The ride is only like 15 minutes! People sit closer together on 8 hour flights!

Anyways, we eventually made it back and it was after 9 by the time we got back to our cars. A LONG day, but SUCH a GOOD one.

And that's my story!

Sorry it took SO long to get it up, but I hope it was worth it.

And don't forget to come back on Friday for the giveaway!

Beach Blogfest! Yeah!

So I decided to do this blogfest like AGES ago, but then forgot to sign up for it. So I will remedy that ASAP and then I forgot to write anything for it!

Rachel Bateman is hosting this blogfest and it really is FUN and you should go join! or at LEAST read the other entries!

Anyways...

THEN my happy little laptop got sad and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to post anything, but I managed to find a computer while Tippy's at the comp doc. AND now I can post this blogfest! Yeah! But it might take me a little while to get to all ya'lls. Just to let you know, my lovely blogger friends :D

But I went to the beach recently and walked on the beach formulating a little scene in my head, but then I never took the time to write it down and I lost the ending. I mean, it still ends the same, but I had just the right sentence to end it and I forget it.

So this is something I wrote just for the blogfest and it's rough drafty. seriously. Don't hate me because of it.

but FIRST I have to share a little story with you that I wrote especially for Mia Hayson. Because we're the TMI twins when it comes to each other's blogs and commenting on them. And because I loves her (and her zombies). AND it has the BEACH in it :D (and maybe even PICTURES - but they're just ROUGH estimates.)

The Mojo and the Muse

Once upon a time a little fairy muse was skipping around the interwebs.

"What a lovely place to meet new friends!" she exclaimed. She was the muse of a girl that went by the name SonshineMusic (and also Sonshine and also Rebecca) and they had a lot of wonderful adventures together. They wrote about the prairie and about fantasy worlds that didn't really exist and about loving and death and real life. They got along quite swimmingly, though muse did like to take long vacations sometimes, making it very difficult for Sonshine to accomplish much.

Once upon a time a lovely gentleman mojo was sauntering around the interwebs.

"What a lovely place to meet new friends!" he said. He was the mojo of a girl that went by the name Mia Hayson and they had a lot of wonderful adventures together. They wrote about zombies (good ones) and books and loving and death and killing (sometimes more than others thought healthy) and real life. They got along quite swimmingly, though the mojo did like to skitter through Twitter to try to meet new people, leaving Mia quite forlorn.

One day when mojo skittered through Twitter he met muse. They hit it off immediately, which really wasn't that surprising since Sonshine and Mia were Blogger and Twitter BFFs. So mojo and muse started talking and they fell in love and decided that they had to elope. They thought that Mia and Sonshine would never let them leave otherwise.

So one night, when Mia and Sonshine were distracted, mojo and muse found an interweb plane that was going to the Bahamas. They had a lovely beach wedding, surrounded by other mojos and muses that had taken vacations from their writers.

from the bahamas beaches

They never thought they would be found out so quickly, but Mia and Sonshine were trying to write entries for the beach blogfest and when they went looking for their mojo and their muse they realized what had happened.

Fortunately, Sonshine and Mia are both romantical people and they wanted mojo and muse to have a happy ending. So they made a deal that if mojo and muse would make sure they showed up when they were needed, they could live happily ever after in the interwebs together. So that's what they did.

The End :D

Okay, now my "real" entry :P

Chick Flick

Stupid Chick Flicks.

With a scowl Lara kicked a clump of sand. The loose powder sprayed into the air, the wind catching it and spattering it back against her bare legs. It really should have irritated her more, but instead Lara just sighed and walked toward the water's edge.

She always felt out of sorts after watching one of those horrid romantic comedies. All right, so the movies themselves weren't horrid; at least most of them; but they always left her grumpy. Why on earth did she let Moira talk her into watching them?

That was an easy question to answer: Because Lara adored her younger sister. But Moira had a lovely fiance and was in the middle of her happily ever after. Moira liked the movies because she could relate to them, because they reminded her of what she had.

Lara disliked them for the exact same reason. They reminded her of what she didn't have, of what she had never even come close to having.

The wind whipped around her, pressing her skirt into the back of her legs. The tide was coming in and a sudden wave washed over her toes. Lara felt herself relax as the chilly water raised goosebumps on her pale skin.

Her foul mood fading Lara smirked at her own thoughts. If she were in a movie, this would be the perfect setting to meet the tall, dark and handsome stranger. He would come up and hand her the elegant scarf that had blown off of her neck and say something terribly witty. She would smile demurely and respond quite cleverly. He would sparkle at her with eyes the color of the sea and would have a dimple in his cheek. Then he would give her a little bow...

At that Lara had to laugh aloud. That would only happen in a Jane Austen movie. And she would have to have an elegant scarf in order for it to blow away. As if that were the only difficulty in the whole scenario.

Silly Chick Flicks.

Putting these ridiculous notions into her head. Pushing away thoughts of movies and strangers, Lara strolled along the edge of the waves, sometimes getting splahsed, but mostly just walking in the saturated sand.

Curling her toes, Lara smiled. It was like digging her feet into a graham cracker crust - before it had been cooked of course. Firm but soft; crumbly yet clingy.

The sun was just setting behind the dunes and it cast a pink glow across the sky, which was picked up and reflected by the wave tips, while the rest of the ocean vacillated between green and blue and brown. Everything was peaceful. The wind wasn't too hard, the water not too cold, the beach nearly empty. Lara could have walked for hours.

Suddenly a giant wave crested. Laughing and squealing, Lara ran toward the dunes, the water nipping at her heels and managing to drench the hem of her pink and yellow flowered sundress.

All irritation gone Lara leaned down to squeeze excess water out of her dress. The beach always made her feel better. Always.

"Excuse me, are these yours?" The low musical voice startled her.

She jerked up, nearly tumbling to the ground in surprise as she met the gaze of two sparkling sea grey eyes.

"They tried to swim away, but I managed to catch them before they made it too far," he continuted, holding up her flip flops. The bright yellow sandals dripped, the silk sunflowers drooping from the toe straps in sad disarray. The young man was tall and dark and, Lara had to admit, quite handsome.

"What naughty things," she laughed. "They were cross that I wouldn't take them on my walk."

"Well then, I will return them to their owner like the errant items they are," he said, giving her a slight bow and handing over the shoes.

Lara smiled in thanks and he smiled back, a dimple appearing in his left cheek.

Lovely Chick Flicks.

**************

Oogh... I don't like that ending. I WISH I could remember the GOOD ending I had originally had. But I DO like the way it came out, mostly. Besides it was just for fun anyways. But you should DEFINITELY go check out the other entries, because I'm SURE there are going to be some SPIFFY ones!