"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" ~ C. S. Lewis

Monday, March 30, 2009

Lost 5.10.05 "The Merchant of Death"

Once again, my brilliant sister has come up with her version of what might have/could happen. Enjoy fake Lost episode #2 :)

Previously on Lost:

The clip of Annie giving Ben his birthday present – Ben telling Jack he has to go somewhere before they can leave – Sun smashing Ben on the head – Sayid shooting younger Ben.

Ben enters a room where a nice dinner party is going on. He goes up to a younger woman who is sitting down, drinking, talking quietly with another woman.

Ben: Can I talk to you for a moment.

Woman: Yes.

Ben: Privately.

Woman: Why would I go anywhere with a stranger?

Ben: [smiles an evil Ben smile] Because you can trust me.

The woman stands and they walk outside where there are musicians. Ben asks her to dance with him.

Ben: It’s a fine evening we’re having.

Woman: A strange man comes up to me, asks to talk to me privately, then asks me to dance with him, and all he’s going to talk about is the weather?

Ben: Yes, I suppose that does seem a little odd.

Woman: (tilting her head) Did you ever realize your face is crooked?

Ben: What?

Woman: Your face is crooked. (smiles) It’s kinda’ cute.

Ben: (stopping dancing) Annie, you have to go back to the island.

Annie: (sudden realization dawns upon her face) Ben? (She gapes at him, wondering what she has done – she just called Ben cute.)

Ben: I know you’re not going to want to believe me, but it’s imperative that you return to the island.

Annie: Go back? Are you insane? You told me to leave the island. You said it wasn’t safe there. You made me leave my home, you made me leave you. Why on earth would I go back?

Ben: I don’t know, Annie. All I know is that you need to go back.

Annie: (steps away) No, Ben. After I came back here I had no family, no friends. It took me years to be able to create some sort of life, and I’m happy here. (shakes head.) I’m not going back. (she walks away.)

[Fwooooooomp] LOST

Ben on island. He comes staggering out of the jungle.

Random Dude: Whoa man. Are you all right?

Ben: (who is obviously bleeding and not alright, because Ben is always getting beat up) Oh yes, I’m perfectly fine. Now where is John Locke?

Random Dude: Who?

Ben: John Locke. He is here isn’t he?

Random Dude: I don’t know, man. I was just in a plane crash. I don’t know anybody’s name. Heck, I’m not even sure I know my name.

Ben: He’s bald.

Random Dude: Oh! That guy. (shrugs) Haven’t seen him.

Ben: (aggravated by inferior idiots that he must rub shoulders with. He says nothing but walks away)

Random Dude: What should I tell him if I see him?

Ben: Nothing.


Annie enters her apartment. She closes and locks the door behind her. When she turns around Ben is there. (Creepy!) She does not seem fazed by this.

Annie: Hello Ben.

Ben: (picking up something from a dresser.) I thought you didn’t bring anything with you from the island.

Annie: (walking over toward him) It wasn’t from the island.

Ben: (turns on a lamp, you can see what Ben is holding. It’s the wooden character Annie carved him for his birthday.) I thought you forgot about me. You did a good job of creating a new life for yourself. (He looks around her apartment) It’s quite impressive.

Annie: (takes the figure from his hands) Why are you here Ben?

Ben: (taking a note from his pocket and placing it in her hand, curling her fingers around it) Just in case you change your mind.

Annie: You know I won’t.

Ben: (shrugs) It doesn’t hurt to try.

Annie: (laughs quietly and then bites her lip.) No, I suppose not.

Ben: I suppose I should get going. (Walks over to the door)

Annie: Good-bye, Ben.

(You hear the door close. There’s a moment when the camera pans around Annie. She walks over to the window and looks out. You see Ben walk into the street. Annie opens her cell phone and dials a number.)

Annie: He just left. (There’s a pause while the other person talks. Annie unfolds the piece of paper) He’s going to the pier.


Ben on the island. He walks along the beach towards the plane. He is bleeding here too, because Sun hit him in the head. Ilana, the Guam chick sees him and runs toward him and punches him in the face.

Ceaser: (pulling her away from Ben) Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is going on here?

Ilana: You killed my brother you venomous creep!

Ben: (tired of getting beat up) I did nothing of the sort.

Ilana: I swear to you, you pig, I will cut out your entrails, pull out your heart, and feed it to the dogs.

Ben: Well then, I guess it’s good there’re no dogs here.

(Ilana lunges at him, But Ceasar holds him back, though the rest of the people on the island aren’t sure why. This is the most interesting thing that has happened so far. They were hoping a fight might break out.)

Locke: (walking up, looking at Ben all confused like, because he’s confused.) Ben? Why are you here?

Ben: You don’t know? Huh, I’m surprised the Island hasn’t told you yet.

Ilana: This man is a murderer and he should die!

Locke: Now calm down, Ana Lucia look alike. (He turns to Ben, still confused.) Are you real? (he pokes Ben.)

Ben: Yes, John. I am real.

Locke: Nope. (Locke crosses his arms.) I don’t think you are.

Ben: (His face is saying: What?! Of course I’m real!?) But I am, John.

Locke: If you’re real, then why did that plane crash, why are these people standing here, and why (he is lookin’ straight at Ben) would I be standing here.

Ben: You’re special, John. I told you that.

Locke: Yes, yes you did. Right before you decided to kill me.

Ben: You were going to kill yourself anyway.

Ilana: I told you he was a killer!

Ben: But I got you back here, didn’t I? It was the only way.

Locke: No, I’m done listening to your lies. (He waves at Ceasar.) You can let her go now.

Ceasar: What?

Locke: Let her go. This man is a killer and a liar, just like she said.

(Ceaser lets her go. Ilana is about to punch Ben.)

Locke: Oh, but before you do anything, you might want to know that he’s the only one who knows how to get you off this island. (He walks away. Ilana, Ceasar, and Ben, stare at him. Ben follows Locke up the beach.)

Ben: I appreciate what you did back there, John. I know it must have been hard for you. Sticking up for me.

Locke: I didn’t stick up for you. (stopping and turning to face Ben.) And I’m not protecting you.

Ben: Then what were you doing, John. If you don’t want to kill me, and you’re not going to listen to me, then what are you going to do with me? People always want answers. Can you give these people the answers they’re looking for? (Ben motions to the beach behind them) I can. Let me help you.

Locke: What makes you think I need your help? (He looks out over the ocean.)

Ben: You’re special John, but not that special.

Locke: (smiles his old Locke smile) I don’t need you Benjamin. (He points towards the Spanish Chick.) Good luck with your new friend. (Walks off)


Ben walks up a dark alley. He hears someone coming and he hides in a corner. The man trailing him walks by and Ben shoots him. He continues walking as if, hey, no big deal, I kill people all the time. He comes to a pier and he starts trailing someone. That someone stops under a streetlight and turns around. It’s Desmond! He’s not dead! Woo-hoo!

Desmond: What are you doing here Ben? I thought you and your mates were going back on your three hour tour.

Ben: Oh, we’re still going. I was wondering if you wanted to join us.

Desmond: That’s a lie, and we both know it. Don’t lie to me, Ben.

Ben: (smiles) I never lie, Desmond.

Desmond: You’re here to kill Penny, but I won’t let you.

Ben: Who told you that?

Desmond: An old friend of mine.

Ben: (laughs) Ha. And did this dear old friend of yours happen to tell you that not only am I going to kill Penny, but I’m also a raving lunatic from Mars? Really, Desmond, you should be more careful about who you’re listening to.

Desmond: And you, brother, should leave me bloody well alone.

Ben: Did Widmore tell you I was going to kill Penny?

Desmond: (Being the wise person that he is, Desmond does not respond.)

Ben: He lied, Desmond. He only wants to hurt you. I’m here to help you.

Desmond: And how are you going to do that?

Ben: Come back to the Island. It’s only there that I can help you.

Desmond: I don’t think so. (Turns around)

Ben: (sighs) I’m sorry, Desmond, I truly am. (Pulls out a gun and points it at Des’ back.)

Desmond spins around and does a round-house kick to Ben’s face. The gun goes flying, Ben stumbles backwards. Desmond punches Ben in the face. Ben tries to fight back, but he’s a wimp and always gets beat up. Ben is angry. He tries to hit Desmond. Desmond breaks Ben’s arm.

Desmond: Stay away from my Penny. (He walks away. And Ben is bleeding. Hooray!)


(Ben on the Island. He’s making himself a little tent. Ilana comes up and takes his tarp.)

Ben: You’re welcome.

Ilana: What did you say to me? (walks over and gets all up in his face)

Ben: I said you’re welcome.

Ilana: For what?

Ben: Killing your brother. He was a lousy golfer.

Ilana: (Is about to strike him when Ben goes all pale, and gasps, and falls over.)

Caesar: (walking by.) What just happened?

Ilana: I don’t know, he just passed out. (Caesar gives her a look.) I’m serious!

Caesar: Come on, let’s take him to the others. (He grabs his shoulders and she grabs his legs.)


(The pier. Annie walks up to Desmond who is getting into his boat. He turns toward her.)

Annie: Desmond? I need to talk to you.

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