Oy. I would like to submit that yesterday be stricken from the record and never actually have happened.
My day went a little something like this...
4:35am - Alarm goes off. Groan and hit snooze button
4:44am - Alarm goes off again. Hit snooze button.
5:15am - Wake up and stare in horror at the clock, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that I have to leave in 15 minutes. Wonder what happened to snooze.
5:16am - Stumble down hall and see that Naomi isn't awake either. We have to leave at the same time.
5:17am - Force contacts into eyes that don't want to open.
5:32am - Grab lunch from fridge, breathing a prayer of thanks that I packed it the night before.
5:35am - Pull out of driveway with Naomi safely strapped in passenger seat.
5:37am - Realize that if I don't eat something I will be nauseous by the time I get to work.
5:40am - Buy bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit at McDonalds
5:42am - Get on highway.
5:57am - Take exit for mall. Stare in shock at time. We're actually not late.
6:05am - try to find hot cups for the pack of hot chocolate I brought. The entire sleeve has vanished in one day.
6:06am - decide to buy mug so I can have my stinkin hot chocolate.
6:08am - begin putting up new sale signs
6:10am - realize that previous crew threw out all the signs from the night before - signs that have to be reused. Dig them out of the garbage. Cringe.
6:55am - Cheer that all the signs are done
6:56am - Realize that all of the specific price points in the entire store (Regular price $19.99, now 30% off - You pay only $13.99!) haven't been changed. Pout.
9:59am - Wonder how on earth there were so many "you pays" everywhere. Frantically try to grab the last few signs before the locusts (aka customers) descend.
10:00am - Store opens. Bring a cart of bargain books out onto floor.
10:10am - Begin straightening stacks of books to make room for more.
10:11am - liquidator informs me that I have to remove all the books I just straightened so he can put tables in their place.
10:12am - Bang head on ground.
10:40 - liquidator has brilliant idea to condense all magazines to one side to make room for bargain. (not sarcastically brilliant)
11:00 - go on lunch break
12:15 - Ask coworker to help with magazines. Hear that cashier has called out. bang head on floor.
12:45 - Ring on register.
1:15 - straighten 5 magazines
1:17 - Ring on register.
1:26 - Customer flips out and screams that an item didn't ring up according to the You Pay prince.
1:28 - Take down signs until we can figure out what happened
1:30 - Straighten 2 magazines
1:32 - Ring on register
1:33 - Another customer flips out about same item. Insists sign is still up. Contradict her.
1:35 - Check where customer directs. Find 1 sign that had been missed
1:36 - Bang head on floor.
1:45 - straighten 8 magazines
1:48 - Ring on register
1:57 - Have rude customer insist on 2 bags for his 2 books. Even after I tell him we are running low. Refrain from throwing said bag over his head.
1:59 - hear that other cashier has called out. Scream internally.
2:30 - straighten 3 magazines
2:31 - Ring on register
2:45 - Straighten 10 magazines. Thank coworker for doing my project (sincerely)
2:47 - Ring on register
3:10 - Run screaming from the building
3:15 - Naomi and I decide we need a smoothie to make everything better.
3:40 - Smoothie works for a little while.
4:43 - Almost fall asleep while trying to order 5 books for classes that start in a week and a half.
6:02 - Eat dinner.
6:35 - Watch hilarious Brian Regan videos on YouTube with Dad and Mom
7:56 - Get excited that Wipeout is about to come on.
8:37 - Decide to make a milkshake for the first time in a year.
8:45 - Turn on blender. Hear horrible grinding noise. Turn off blender.
8:52 - Empty all contents out of blender. Discover that blender is broken. Die a little inside.
9:02 - Give up and whisk now melty ice cream and chocolate sauce into an iffy chocolate milk kind of thing with large Oreo cookie pieces.
9:07 - Disappointed, but okay with results.
WARNING - next part is not for the faint of heart. Seriously. If you don't want to be grossed out, don't highlight the next section. I will make it as invisible as I can. Just so you don't have to be grossed out if you don't want to be. I'll just say that I didn't get to finish my milkshake thing.
9:15 - Bite down on Oreo. Hear strange crunch in molars. Spit out on napkin and discover legs. Large ant had crawled into milkshake during blender catastrophe.
9:17 - Freak out and practically throw cup at Dad who discovers more ants in glass.
9:19 - Wash mouth out vigorously.
9:39 - Decide I need to go to sleep and make this day go away.
10:02 - Decide to write blog post to try to make myself laugh. It sorta works.
Here's to a better day tomorrow!
PS - I got all the GIFS from tumblr and I don't mean any disrespect or anything for using them. I think they're so cool and they are not mine.