So, at first I said I wasn't going to really blog Lost here, because I go to Nik at Nite where Nikki already has a fantastic debate going on. She is incredible and I have no idea how she remembers everything she does, but I love going there to discuss Lost.
Then my sister wrote a fake Lost episode to follow the fifth episode of season 5. I found it so funny I wanted to post it somewhere, so here is the first (possibly) installment of PleasantFriend's guest blog... enjoy...
5.05.5 Not Always What it Seems
Previously on Lost…
Locke falling down the well
Hurley getting taken away by the polic
(Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, Miles are around the well.)
Sawyer kicks at the rope.
Jin: (says something in Korean since he can no longer magically speak English) What now?
Sawyer: Come on, let’s go back to the beach. (starts walking forward.)
Juliet: Why? (Sawyer stops.)
Sawyer: I don’t know. Just seems like the right place to go. What else are we supposed to do? Wait around for Lassie to come get Timmy-boy out of the well?
Juliet: If we go back, how do you know we’ll be at the right time?
Sawyer: I don’t know.
Juliet: We can’t go back.
Juliet: We can’t go back in time.
Sawyer: We just hippedy-hopped our way through time and you’re telling me we can’t go back?
Miles: So what are we supposed to do?
Juliet: I don’t know.
Sawyer: Well, we can’t stay here. Come on. Let’s go.
(Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, Miles walking through the woods towards Faraday and Charlotte.)
Miles: (stops suddenly, hearing voices) Charlotte died.
Jin: What? How?
Miles: What do I look like? A psychic?
Sawyer: Don’t you think it’s a little strange you keep hearing dead people?
Juliet: They’re not dead people.
(They all look at her)
Juliet: Miles was born on this island. (She looks at Miles) The voices you hear are not dead people. You hear displaced voices from different points of time.
Juliet: He’s special, James.
Sawyer: And when were you going to let the Ghost Whisperer know this?
Juliet: (looks at Sawyer) It wasn’t time.
Sawyer: Really? How convenient.
Jin: We should keep going. (He and Miles leave)
Juliet: You will see her again.
Sawyer: (stares at her) Why are you telling me this?
Juliet: Because it won’t be easy.
Sawyer: Oh, that’s too bad. So far everything has been so simple. (He walks away)
They come to the tree where Faraday is still holding Charlotte.
Faraday: (looks up. He is very sad.)
Jin: We are going back. To beach.
Sawyer: We should leave.
Faraday: What about Charlotte? We need to bury her?
Juliet: No. She will only slow us down.
Faraday: I can’t leave her.
Sawyer: Then bring her with us. We’ll put her in the cemetery.
(Flashy light. Fwoooomp.)
[Hurley in Jail. Officer comes up.)
Officer: You have a visitor. (He unlocks the door and takes Hurley to a room.)
The door opens.
Libby: Hello Hugo. (Comes in and sits on chair.)
Libby: I’ve come to tell you something.
Hurley: Are you…real? Am I really crazy?
Libby: You’re not crazy Hurley.
Hurley: But you’re dead. Aren’t you?
Libby: That’s not important. I need to tell you something.
Hurley: What? That I’m not crazy, even though I keep seeing dead people? Or about Sayid being like, a crazy ninja guy, and Ben is trying to come and take me away.
Libby: Ben is trying to help. You need to go back to the Island.
Libby: Someone will come and help you. You need to go to this address. (Libby slides a piece of paper over to him.
Hurley: What? That’s it? (gets teary-eyed) You’re just going to leave?
Libby: I’m sorry, Hurley. (She stands and goes over to the door) Oh. (Looks back at him.) You can’t trust him.
Hurley: Who? Trust who? Ben? Sayid?
Libby: Good-bye, Hurley. (She leaves.)
Hurley: Libby? Libby!
Officer comes and takes him out of the room. Ben’s lawyer is standing there. The Officer uncuffs him.
Hurley: So what? I’m free now?
Lawyer: You can come with me.
Hurley: Who are you?
Lawyer: Just follow me. (They go outside.)
Hurley: Do you work for Ben?
Lawyer: What will you do if I say I am.
Hurley: Nothing. I just want to know.
Lawyer: Yes. (Waits.)
Hurley: (nods) Cool. Does he pay good?
Lawyer turns and walks away.
Hurley: Dude, you have issues. I guess it comes from working for a creep like Ben. I think it’d mess up my brain too.
Lawyer: Do you want to go back in there?
Hurley: Whoa dude, lighten up.
They get in the car.
Hurley: So where are we going?
Lawyer: To church.
Hurley: What about Sayid?
Lawyer: (looking at Hurley) What about him?
Hurley: I don’t know, he’s just like, my friend. I want to talk to him before I run to the disappearing island.
Lawyer: He’s not exactly talking to me or Ben.
Hurley: That’s okay. I know where to find him.
They drive to a hotel room. Hurley knocks on the door and Sayid opens it.
Hurley: Hey dude. Um… How’s…life?
Sayid: Why are you here, Hurley?
Hurley: Um… I want you to come with me. To the island.
Sayid: Why would I go back to that place?
Hurley: What else are you going to do? You don’t have any friends left. I mean, didn’t you’re wife like, die? What do you have to stay here for? You’re becoming some sort of evil ninja assassin. And I did try and save your life.
Sayid: All right. But I don’t trust him.
Hurley: Dude, who does?
The Island – Cemetery.
Miles: Who are Nikki and Paolo?
Miles: (glare) I know that.
Sawyer: What’s so special about them?
Miles: They were buried alive.
Juliet: Didn’t Arzt tell you about the spiders?
Sawyer: What spiders?
Juliet: Its venom paralyzes you.
Jin: What do they look like?
Juliet: I saw some by the well, but I didn’t think to point them out to you.
Sawyer: Would ya’ll shut up? (He starts walking toward the ocean)
Jin: Where are you going?
Sawyer: Back to my tent.
Miles: Wait. It’s not there anymore.
Sawyer: I know where it is.
Saywer: (glaring at him) I just do.
They come out where Sawyer’s tent used to be.
Juliet: Now what, James?
Sawyer: Would you quit asking me that? I’m not Locke.
Jin: Jack would have plan.
Miles: Jack was obnoxious.
Juliet: We’re not supposed to be here James.
Sawyer: Then where are we s’posed to be?
Juliet: We need to go back to the well.
Sawyer: There’s nothing there but a piece of stinkin’ rope!
Miles: Maybe we should bury the dead girl.
Faraday: Charlotte. Her name is Charlotte.
Miles: I know what her name is.
Juliet: Yes, Daniel. Miles knew her longer than you did. Even Jin knew her longer than you did.
Juliet: When Charlotte and Miles’ mother left…
Faraday: Miles’ mother?
Juliet: Yes. They were brother and sister. Her mother ended up in Korea.
Miles: But I grew up in a little town in the middle of nowhere.
Juliet: While in Korea a man named Mr. Paik stole Charlotte.
Jin: Paik? (Says: May he die a thousand deaths: in Korea.)
Sawyer: And what, next you’re going to be saying I’m Charlotte’s father.
Juliet: No, her grandfather. Your daughter will be the mother of Charlotte.
Sawyer: So why are you telling all of this now?
Juliet: Because it’s time.
Sawyer: Quit saying that. What is going on?
Juliet: It’s time to tell you the truth.
Sawyer: What? You’re my mother?
Juliet: (smiles.) No. (she morphs into Ben.) Hello, James.
They are all so surprised. Except for Faraday. He goes off to bury Charlotte, mourning.
Sawyer: What is going on!?
Ben: I’m not human, James. I can become anyone I want to be.
Sawyer: I knew there was a reason I didn’t like you.
Jin: Ben? (gets angry. Korean: I will kill you you evil potato-headed monster!)
Ben morphs into Kate.
Kate/Ben: Hello Sawyer.
Sawyer: (Is disgusted, but still yearning for her to really be there)
Ben morphs back.
Ben: I can bring her back, James, but I need you’re help.
Sawyer: (teeth clenched) And why should I trust you?
Ben: I’m here to help you, James.
Jin: Do not trust him. He evil man.
Sawyer: How? How can I bring her back?
Ben: Isn’t it obvious? You have to die.
Kate in a hotel room. She wakes up, someone’s knocking on the door. She gets up and opens the door. Sawyer is there.
Kate: Sawyer? What are you… How did you?
Sawyer: You need to come back.
Kate: What? But why?
Sawyer: You have to come back!
She wakes up for real, takes Aaron and leaves.
(Ben, Eloise, Jack, Desmond, Sun)
Los Angeles at the church
Kate comes in.
Sun: Where’s Aaron?
Kate: Somewhere safe. What’s going on?
Jack: We’re going back to the Island.
Hurley and Sayid come in. They all look at them in surprise.
Hurley: Hey guys. Surprise.
Sayid: I am only here for Hurley. (He gives Ben a death glare.)
Locke walks in.
Hurley: Whoa. Dude. I thought you were dead.
Locke: I thought I was too, Hugo. But a nice little spider bit me. Just made me look dead. Never been better.
Hurley: Oh. (shrugs.) Whatever dude.
They all go into Eloise’s time room.
Desmond: Wait. You’re all going back?
Desmond: Why would you want to go back?
Sun: I want my husband back. (She raises her eyebrow at him.) I think you would understand that, Desmond.
Desmond: Right. Well, you can go back to the exploding island, I’m not going back there. I’m just here to find Faraday’s mother.
Eloise: (looks up) Why?
Desmond: He says he needs her.
Eloise: (shrugs) Ah.
Jack: Why don’t you come with us?
Desmond: No. I’m leaving. You’re all crazy. (He leaves.)
Ben: (to Eloise) Are you ready?
Ben: Good. (he walks out. Jack is too busy feeling important to notice. Eloise follow him out of the room.)
Eloise: Aren’t you coming Ben?
Ben: I’m already there. (He walks away and Eloise goes back in the room. As Ben is walking down the aisle there is a purple flash and a fwooooomp. Ben follows Desmond to Penny’s boat.)
Ben: Hello Desmond.
Desmond turns around, but before he can say anything Ben kills him. He comes on the boat morphing into Desmond.
Desmond/Ben: We need to go.
Penny: What’s wrong?
Desmond/Ben: I saw someone following me.
Penny: What? Who?
Desmond/Ben: I don’t know. I didn’t stop to ask.
Penny and Desmond/Ben put the boat out. They are away from shore.
Penny: Desmond, do you think it was… (she turns around and Desmond has morphed into Ben.) Who are you?
Ben: I’m a friend of your father’s.
Penny: Where is Desmond?
Ben: He’s dead. I killed him.
Ben shoots her, looking down at her like a crazy man. He goes over to the baby Charlie and picks him up.
Ben: Hello Widmore.
Miles: I am not a psychic!
Jin: I never said you were.
Jack: Now what?
Claire: Daddy, I don’t want to go.
Christian: It’s time. You need to be strong.
Claire: Where’s Charlie?
Christian: He’s safe.