I turned on the TV to watch the news while I got dressed. I surveyed my outfit in the mirror. An extra 30 minutes on the treadmill would be added to the count tonight.
“Aaaaah!What in holy hell?” My legs were trapped in a burning vice. I didn’t think the pants were that tight. I scrambled to pull them off. My ankles stayed trapped in denim handcuffs as I looked down and spied blisters everywhere. Gross! I guess I would have to resort to a long skirt today. Cue exasperated, if somewhat pained, sigh. I finally found the correct combination to break from the chains of my skinny jeans. (Note to self: stepping on one leg of the pants while tugging opposite foot is the key.) I did a little dance once I was free, which was soon followed by a wince from burning flesh.By the time I finished dressing my eyes were watering. An eyelash decided to escape and poke me when I wasn’t looking. It quickly burrowed under my lid and behind my eye. No matter how often I blinked and drilled my finger into my lid, it stayed hidden. The fight only resulted in screwing up my TV. Flickering channels, burning legs, giant spiders, vengeful eyelash and a concrete wall to the face, so that’s how the day was going to be.
I grabbed a ready cup of coffee, a pair of sunglasses and a pile of bills to sort through on the deck. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was warm and friendly casting my shadow back against my house. Hello, Sun! I lowered myself onto a chair and took a sip of bitter steaming java. I was able to enjoy my morning for 2.5 minutes before a moving truck growled into the driveway next door.
The house had been empty for months and that delighted me to no end. Well, there’s my end…or rather the end of my solitude. My curiosity won the battle against my need for privacy so I stayed where I was. I sifted through papers and envelopes unfocused. I was rewarded with a deep oozing paper cut.
My eyes kept drifting to the truck. Moving men moved in and out of the barren house. A large man stood alongside a string of a woman shouting rooms at the boxes disappearing inside. “Living room! Bathroom! Kitchen! Den!”The sun was against me now and blinded me from seeing anyone clearly. My stomach boiled and splashed so I decided to drag myself inside to throw some food down my gullet. I continued to glance while cooking until everyone disappeared into the house. And after several hours the moving truck was still there. That’s odd. They didn’t seem to have that much stuff.
After satisfying my hunger, I returned to the deck, determined to concentrate on my bills. I scanned my bank statement until I heard a loud yelp. I mean, it really sounded like a yelp.
“YELP!” There it was again.Someone was trapped beneath a large armoire calling for help but with wood crushing your sternum, I’m sure it would sound like yelp. But with my luck, I was leery.
“Ah. Oooch-eee-owww!” The grass stabbed at my feet as I tiptoed to the fence bordering their house and peered through. I could see directly into their bare dining room window. Again the sun was waving and saying hello like a slightly stupid man while obstructing my view.I could barely make out the people surrounding a large dark table. They were already set up for dinner. How nice. Then I noticed what was on the table. One of the movers was sprawled out and bloody. A cloud distracted the sun for a moment and the window cleared. There were four people around the table and each was chewing on a limb of the mover.
I would have called for help but instead, choked and gagged on the bank statement I had shoved in my mouth in fright. Great, now I need to call the police and the bank.