I have been pining after this girl for years now. We finally got together, but then she started getting on my case about my drinking habits and sleeping pill usage (It's a legitimate prescription!) Meanwhile, she kept secrets from me and kept running errands for an old flame of hers. She broke off our engagement and kicked me out, but I still love her.
Now I have the chance to reset time and start over with her. Of course, we could all end up dead, or she could end up being incarcerated for life while I'll have to relive the painful death of my father. Do you think I should detonate the bomb or just get on with my life?
Signed,
Confused and Weepy
2 comments:
I know, right? Seems awfully dramatic and stupid - potentially causing disaster for a whole bunch of people just because he can't say "Sorry I was such a jerk. I love you." What are you Jack, 14? What makes him think they will get together now? What, he thinks he will reset to the original crash and he won;t be a bossy crybaby this time? Or that he'll see her on the plane(in handcuffs!) and they'll fall in love and then she'll go to prison forever but hey, at least she'll like him.
Weepy and confused - hahahahah! Jack and his jears - every Wednesday, you can set your clock by his waterworks!
Dear Confused and Weepy,
All this stuff about resetting time and detonating bombs is so hyperbolic that I'm assuming you're a 14-year-old girl. If you are, the drinking and sleeping pills really have me worried. If you're not, then three words: Grow a pair! Or failing that, grow a beard -- but not a big, dark, bushy, "This is Sparta!" beard, since very few men can pull that off; I suggest the stubbly ain't-got-time-to-shave look if you have the jaw for it, especially if you can match it with stringy, dirty-blonde hair. You don't mention what the object of your affection is mixed up in that could land her in jail for life or put all of you six feet under, but I'm legally obligated to notify the authorities of any perceived imminent physical harm. Although since this letter is really beat up and postmarked 1977 it may not do them any good.
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