It's a Retail Wednesday Day

People. Are. Crazy.

But if you've been reading my Retail Wednesday posts you already know that. If you ever leave your room you know that. If you exist you probably know that because you are probably a little crazy yourself. Hopefully just not Retail Wednesday crazy.

Ahem.

On to the awards!

Lucy Lately Award:
I was ringing a lady up and she suddenly said, "Wait! I have a coupon!" She dug around in her purse and pulled out a rather faded piece of paper and handed it to me. I opened it up and then told her that I couldn't use it because it had expired. She tilted her head and gave me a wheedling smile.
Lady: Can't you just put it through?
Me: This is from December of last year. No. I can't take it.
Lady: Come on. Just put it through. No one will know.
Me: The computer will not accept old coupons. And this is from six months ago. No. I can't put it through.
Lady: I know I have a current coupon in my e-mail. I just didn't have a chance to print it out, so just use this one instead.
Me: The computer will not accept it. It won't take expired coupons. I can't use it. (GO AWAY)

Phone Freak Award:
I answer the phone and a woman asks if we have a particular book - a serious memoir. I tell her we unfortunately don't. I thought that would be the end of the conversation. I was so very wrong.
Woman: Well do you have 50 Shades of Grey?
Me: Yes.
Woman: How many copies do you have?
Me: A lot.
Woman: But how many?
Me: I don't know off the top of my head.
Woman: Would that book make a good gift?
Me: It depends on who you're giving it to.
Woman: Well, what are other books that are really popular?
Me: What type of book are you looking for?
Woman: Just tell me some of the books that everyone is talking about.
Me: Well, it's kind of hard without knowing what kind of book.
Woman: Don't you read?!
Me: Yes, but mainly I read Young Adult.
Woman: Well, I need to get a gift for my friend and she told me about 50 Shades of Grey, but I don't know if she has them so I don't know whether I should get it or not. I was really hoping you would have that other book.
Me: Sorry.
Woman: But what books are people saying are really good.
Me: (I have now wandered up to the best sellers so I can list some titles just to get her to stop.) Well, there's been a lot of buzz about The Night Circus. I read that. It's pretty good.
Woman: What is that about?
Me: It's about this rivalry between two magicians and these two children that get caught up in it.
Woman: Oh no. What is good that's non-fiction.
Me: I don't really read non-fiction so the only real recommendation I have is The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. That wa-
Woman: How about Water for Elephants?
Me: Well, that's a fiction title.
Suddenly what sounds like a large pack of dogs starts barking loudly enough that I am afraid they will burst through the phone from her end and attack me.
Woman: (to someone else) Hey! So and so is here! No! Get the dogs. Don't let them out. You're going to have to have him move his car. Hey! No. Don't do that. Go outside and tell him where to park. No, I don't know. Put the dogs in the back. He's here. Go out. No! (etc. for at least 90 seconds - she does not say anything to me and does not put the phone down, but yells into it so that I have to hold the phone at arm's length in order to keep from getting deafened by the yelling and barking.)
Woman: Hello? Are you still there?
Me: (are you SERIOUS?) Yes. (I start to say something about Water for Elephants and she starts yelling at someone again)

Woman: (in exasperation) I'm sorry. Can you just hold on for a minute?

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Me: (ARE. YOU. SERIOUS!?!?) You know, since you don't really know what book you want it's going to be a lot easier if you come into the store and browse around. I have other customers here I need to help.
Woman: (sighs) All right. Thanks a lot. (hangs up)
Me: (bang my head on the table and try not to cry)

Cutie Patootie Award:
After that last story you deserve a light treat for the end of the post.
A dad came in followed by his two sons that looked around 5 years old. They were either twins or really close in age.
The first boy had a bright orange plastic gun, which he was holding with both hands and spinning around each corner like in a tv show or something. He was walking ahead of his dad. It was really cute, but I had to laugh when I saw the second boy trailing along behind the dad with both of his hands secure in plastic handcuffs.
When the dad came up to ask me about a book, the boy with the handcuffs set his hands on the counter, sighed dramatically and said, "Look what my dad did to me." But then he promptly broke into a giant grin.

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And that's it for this week! Tata!